How do they research you, so they can better hook you in…?

In the early days with my scammer, we exchanged emails with a lot of questions in them about what we liked and did not like.  In the context at that time the questions seem innocent enough, but embedded in them are key questions that the scammer can later use.  Eg. when he went back to England he asked if I knew anyone in England.  My negative response to this let him know that he did not need to worry about me knowing too much about where he lived.

In general conversations/exchanges about interests, passions, previous relationships, etc there will be items that you share about what you like and don’t like. One item I put on my profile was an interest in property investing.  That is a give-away that you have an interest in money making ventures.

By revealing themselves first, and saying that they are looking for someone who is honest and open, they lay the ground for you being the same. E.g

"Relationships: Give 100%, if this can not be given, then you are not that true friend, lover or husband/wife. Be true to yourself, and your love ones. Honesty, communication, and understanding along with patience will make the difference. This is just my opinion mind you. Sharing, is more than finance, material assets, more importantly, it is the sharing of yourself, time, and love. Giving always more to the other, and they will give back. It is a forever revolving door of giving..."

As well as giving away information that can be used, what is not commented on by the scammer can sometimes be telling.  My scammer did not comment on my political inclinations, my spiritual preferences, or seem to take more than a cursory interest in Australia or Victoria.  this felt a bit odd at the time, as they are areas that can be disastrous and deal breakers in relationships. These were items that I wanted to know about him, but did not get the chance to follow up. In hind-site, the absence of a response shows how shallow the communication actually was, but at the time things were moving at such a pace that it was difficult to pick up on this.

Instead the talk turns to what feels special… and this is the hook!

"I will say my heart tells me you are one very special woman. Whatever will be between you and I, please know you have a friend for life regardless of the miles between us. I feel very blessed that you responded to my email, that I will cherish forever. In our walks of life, it is not often you come across another who still has morals, family values, respect and continues to follow their dreams.

 Its so easy to not take notice of the contradictions or incongruities.  We must get better at making sure we do follow up on these.

If you think you are being scammed, get in touch with ACORN .  Remember its not just a scam, its a deliberate and professional fraud that is being perpetrated.

  • ACORN: The Australian Cybercrime Online Reporting Network.  This is an national policing initiative that allows cybercrime victims to easily and instantly report cases of criminal activity online, as well as providing information on how to avoid falling victim to cyber criminals.

Published by

Jan Marshall

I was the victim on an online romance scam in 2012. In 72 days I gave away all my money, over $260,000 though I did expect it to be returned to me. This blog shares my ongoing research and understanding about what happened to me, how I recovered, and the latest on romance scams.