I have added this page because it is important to speak out and be heard about what has happened to you. This page is not for photographs (they are stolen) or details, and is not meant to be a database of scams or scammers, but more the personal expression of what has happened and the impact of that. Expressing this, if only this once, is an important step towards healing…
If you would like to add your story here, please email it to me and let me know you would like it published.
For readers, remember, these are not my views, but the views of the victims, in their words. It took courage to share them here.
Stories alternate in colour to distinguish them.
Story 1 – AW
I fell hard for a man who called himself James Mares after weeks of Messaging back and forth. I had received messages from him interested in getting to know me, but didn’t respond. Several messages later, still didn’t. Finally, after a week, he sent a simple “hi.” I took this opportunity to let him know I wasn’t interested in a relationship; but that I appreciate making friends with whom I have things in common. Little did I know that this man would become as dear to me as anyone I had ever known, in as little as a month.
Saying he was self-employed Engineer in China, he was preparing to come back to the States…and an hour or less from where I live. He told me he couldn’t “cash” his final paycheck being in a foreign country heading for the US. He needed help to finish paying his ticket to the States. He sent a copy of the ticket, where it indicated he needed $300 or so to pay it off. The ticket was official looking. He had sent me pictures of himself at “home” doing things in his yard, etc. How could I doubt his reality?
His expressions of tenderness and care melted my heart…along with the most loving of poetry…and before I knew it I was as much in love with him as he was with me. There were red flags throughout, which I pushed aside, wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt. My friends and daughter told me this was a scam. But I didn’t want to believe them. I didn’t hear from him for a week after he should have gotten his flight. Can’t recall why. He was staying at a hotel, being charged $285 for each day out of 9 days. He said he had his “papers” taken by the hotel owners…and was subject to arrest by the Chinese government. I allowed my heart, rather than my mind, decided to borrow the money for this.
Next thing, he was in an accident on the way to the airport, which killed the taxi driver, and left him in a horrible condition, requiring surgery. His “doctor” sent me a message that he was unconscious but would contact me. This does not occur. Once “awake” he told me he believed my prayers saved him (oh, yes, he did affirm that he, too, was Christian, as am I). And then, he let me know he had to go to the business office…obviously to discuss what he owed.
I finally woke up to the fact that I was being scammed for money. I sent him a final e-mail letting him know that, after checking with my bank, learned that he could indeed “cash” his paycheck where he was in order to get back “home.” And I never heard from him again. I was plenty abrupt about it. I didn’t know what a hideous and vile world-wide scam this has become, and how many unfortunate, and trusting, people have fallen victim to their traps.
I have received numerous “friend requests” each month since the scam from other people. But I am convinced that they are scammers trying to reconnect this “victim.” I can’t say how much this grieves me. I have much going on this time in my life, but nothing as EVIL as these CRIMINALS. I have no friends that can understand, as they’ve never been here. So, this is my attempt to share my experience…and hopefully find RESOLVE.
Thanks for hearing me out…AW
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Story 2 – RR
It has been over 2 years since my scam heartbreak. I not only had my heart broken but lost $25,000 of my savings.
It all started when my husband of 25 years dumped me for a 20 year old Asian girl. I was devastated and had to go through all the pain of selling our home, going to solicitors to unravel super and investments, move to another state and find a new home I could afford. My whole world was turned upside down. I was lonely so I decided to go onto a dating site, which I had little experience.
I was contacted by a handsome 65 year old man calling himself Jeff Thomas. He said he was an engineer and lived in Sydney but was willing to relocate as he was about to retire. We chatted through the site then he wanted me to talk through emails and phone. Of course I was keen to meet him face to face.
One day he said he had to return to Malaysia to complete a railway bridge he was building for the Malaysian government. I suggested I could fly up to Sydney to meet him before he left, he agreed and we made arrangements. Well the morning before I was about to fly out he phoned saying he had to leave that morning as there was some problem so we couldn’t get together. After that I had to be content with frequent phone calls, Skype ( typing only as the screen didn’t work for him ? ) and emails .
It was relentless morning, lunch afternoon and late at night, I wondered how he could find this time as he was suppose to be building a railway bridge. He sent me photos of the bridge , I was convinced this was real even though there were many red flags !!!
Well after a couple of months the problems started, firstly he said his wallet had been stolen and all his cards and $70,000 cash to pay his workers. I must admit I did comment how could he fit $70,000 into a wallet, he ignored me. By this time he was talking about us buying a big house, travel the world together etc etc, even marrying when he returned in a couple of months. He sent me a photo of some sort of a contract saying he was going to be paid $15 million for building the bridge.
Then he said because his wallet had been stolen with all his cards he couldn’t get access to his accounts to pay his hotel and even said he had no money for food. He wanted me to send $15,000 ASAP. I explained I was retired and a pensioner and that would take my savings but he started crying and saying he would pay me back plus he was going to buy me a $2 million house that was actually for sale in the town I was living. Well I sent him that money, ( there was a complicated story about that ) .
Then he asked me to sell my cottage that I owned so he could pay his workers all the money he owed them as they had gone on strike. I told him that was impossible, I started to become worried. Then one day I received a phone call from his so called solicitor in Sydney. He said he had been able to get $200,000 together to help Jeff. Then he said he wanted me to travel up to Sydney then I was to travel to Malaysia with $200,000 strapped to my body under my clothes!!!!
I though all this was a joke and said , I am 5’2 inches and would look like the Michelin Man also it is illegal to take that much money out of Australia, I said to him , I will go to jail. He got mad with me then Jeff rang screaming at me saying I didn’t care about him. I finally realised he in fact didn’t care about me and this was a scam.
I talked to my daughter and she talked to the AFP who said this guy was known to them and it was a scam. I reported it to the police, blocked him and cried my heart out for days. I couldn’t believe I was taken by this man and when I spoke to friends they made me feel even worse saying I was stupid and gullible etc etc. so I couldn’t tell them anymore.
It was wonderful being able to talk to someone like Jan and her support group. I am still healing with good and bad days and my financial security is wrecked but I am still here and healthy.
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Story 3 – PT
I am 26 years old, this old is so beautiful. But I am feeling terrible and unfair for my life right now. I don’t know why this happened to my life?
In 10 May 2017, a man sent friend request to me on FaceBook social networking. I didn’t care about this person when he said: ” hi, could he talk to me?’ But after that, he said that he had been fallen in love to me. He wants to take care me, he wants bring his heart to me with his fully love.
We chatted on Viber social networking. Because he wants to close relationships with me. I hadn’t doubt of that. I just simple think that no one doesn’t like to waste their time to me when I said that I have nothing such as money, liability, or even I said that I am a poor person to let him know that he couldn’t get any things from me because I have nothing special in my life. But he said that he doesn’t want it. He wants love from me. I believed this words from his mouth.
And now I realised that it is a joke from scammer who I don’t know. I lost 50,000AUD from this joke of scammer. I tried to ask help from my friends to help the scammer because I believed that he told a trust his story of his life. He said he comes from USA. And he lives with his son who is 9 years old. He is an engineer, And he will go to Turkey for his jobs. He couldn’t pay hotel bill because his credit card has problem with Turkey’s Bank. He couldn’t withdraw his money because the bank has not allowed him to withdraw.
In this time, I said that I couldn’t help him because I really don’t have money. I said that I even have not money to buy food for myself. And he said that he would like to send his credit card to me because I can help him to withdraw money from AUSTRALIA and I have to send his money back to TURKEY through MoneyGram. I said that I couldn’t do it because Australia Governments has not allow me to do it, I can become a criminal if I withdraw money from his card. And he said that no, it is ok and don’t have problems.
I have to help him because his son is in Hospital for treatment his injuries. His son has been broken leg when his son played with another children. I thought of his son, and I said that okey I help him. After this, I received an email from a Fake company which is called FairWay Express. This company’s email said that the parcel is on the way to come to Australia. And the parcel will be sent to me by my address details. But something is happened. Another email from this company said that I have to pay the fee for some Certificate such as :
– Import and Export Duty Permit Certificate
– Diplomatic Yellow Tag
– Anti Terrorist Certificate
– United Nations Clearance Bond,
and total fee is 15,464 Euros.
I felt this company is fake and I started to doubt this company but I make a mistake when I told to the scammer that this company is a fake company and he said: no…I have to pay this fee immediately because the police will open the parcel and I will get more issues. It makes me feel seriously issues so I tried to get money from some my friends.
When I sent this amount through Commonwealth Bank, after 2 days late I got more an email from this company, they requested me to sent more money because they need to certify all this documents and I need a lawyer to do this and of course I have to pay the fee for lawyer. It is total 11,646 Euros.
I can’t believe and imagine that I have to pay this amount. For me, this amount is large and I don’t have it. The scammer know that I don’t want to pay this amount and he said that his son need to treatment from doctors and I must to get his parcel soonest. And he promised to pay back this amount after I get his parcel. I felt that his son is like my young brother and I tried to get money from my friends again to get the parcel with no doubt that it is scam or fraud. And it is all plan that the scammer created it.
And now I don’t know how to get the help to recovery money to pay back friends. And who will help me to catch this scammer because I want to justice. I reported to ACORN but I received an Automatic reply from them. I believe that the police don’t want to help me and help another victim like me to investigate.
I am really feel depressed and I am just thinking about the death. I am feeling that this world is not good and the heave of God will better than.
I don’t know what I have to do because no one help me.
Thanks so much.
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Story 4 – CC
Love trap, smat crap…
What magic transpires from the controlling of the puppet-meister…
When a smooth talking stranger convinces you to part with everything you have…
What sucked me in?
What pulled me tight?
What trapped my mind, believing that this was right…
An escape, my way out…how delicious it tasted,
How susceptible was my spirit to the conundrum awaiting…
How do I explain the toxic effect of this relationship?
The lure, how tempting, I was easy prey. How lucky for the hunter…this one won`t go away…Stunned like a deer in the headlights bright, my life stood frozen stiff, panicked in total fright. Far beyond my reality, and dangerously so, compelled to meet expectations, I subjugated fully to threats as meted so. How I fell victim to the pressures of his commands, only to please him, my master, they would be set, and off and onward bound.
In my intoxicated state, drunk on the love notes, the promise of escape, I would function like a wind-up doll and operate. At his whim, do what he said unwittingly, without a second’s questioning. The chemical reactions stirring within, had altered my ego, and my id. I was acting way beyond my character, and in my altered state, a stage to perform this drama did begin.
How I reveled in this fantasy…I was engaging in an operation, involved with my lover of sorts, partners in crime, what thrill it gave me this interplay. The drive to meet expectations, of dire circumstance no less, that was the achievement, and how I wanted to prove it…that I was capable, a worthy candidate. I was on a mission, and how fascinating it all seemed, to be part of this quest, ah the intrigue…
The demands were all made via the messenger early, at sunrise, amounts already determined. And like the wind-up doll expressed, on switched the buttons, the functions of the day computed and set. With little sleep from the night before, my mind was entangled in the rapture of the dulcet tones of love, of sweet nothingness only to lighten the blow.
I would awaken next morning to the alarm on my phone reminding me the daylight had come, was I ready to go? Appearing alert, but physically and mentally paying the brunt of this curse, I would set off as usual with my mission firm.
Zombie-like in my mental state, on auto-pilot and charged for the day, the next drop, no room for delay. My head brainwashed into believing this was what was expected of me, my duty of great responsibility. My role understood, my focus clear, my mission outlined and ordered. Strapped with the necessary paraphernalia proving legality of my activities, I would with sure footing head to the station.
These addresses I had never ventured, thanks to Google the ease made it better.
All the while, we would be connected, he, my master, guiding and protecting. Trusting the exchange would take place, he was keen to see the drops completed early within his time frame. I would head to the bank`s ATM as soon as the cash dispensers were open, hurry into the corner to withdraw for my services. The limit was sufficient for that day`s operation…and off I would go to hunt down the next location.
The frequency of visits, the secession of drops, of demands to be met, raised eyebrows among the local folk. Where was she going they started to ask, among their circles, under the watchful eye. Venturing down more obscure alleyways were these drops to be made. Never before had I been actively involved in the finance of banking; of a frequent resort this was not.
Identification all intact, I would walk in confidently and announce my request. Nerves of steel braced my verve, I was doing this for him, my love, my beau. And with aplomb I would state quite plainly, this was for Egypt, for India, for Africa and for China surely. Here were the details, my next-of kin, my brothers and sisters, what a global union.
They did catch on, these officers here. They sensed the irregularity of my misdeeds. The visitations were too frequent, too closely scheduled, why was she sending so much, all at one time? They started to query further, impending my transaction. The mounting frustration was obvious in my manner; flustered, and fuming, the madam is waiting, I am a businesswoman, don`t keep me hanging. The computer data was all aflame, bright red across the page. The systems could detect anomalies existing, you were sending this amount where? What was the purpose of this remittance?
Towards the end of this cycle of duties fulfilled, the aversion to such establishments, of my visitations crept on both parties’ faces…. The loathing to enter, to handle such requests; the awkwardness of this façade painfully avoiding address… What was she doing with all that money to drop? Had she lost her mind, didn`t she realize this was all a hoax?
Closeted from the outside world for far too long, I was not aware of the harsh realities lurking the corridors. News received here was of domestic focus, the rise of the yen, the price of fish at the market. On occasion something of import would be aired, a main event, like the Olympics or World Cup.
A symptom of this country naivety is endemic; of being overly pampered and protected, can be a precarious position to be in. Sadly ill-informed, ignorant to trouble…ah the devilish antics that await beyond the borders. To be aware is to search independently, otherwise The Bastion of Standards and Compliancy would not hear of it.
And there lies the crux of the issue, I had never heard of romance scams, never knew they existed. Though plenty abounds in the local language and beyond, of finding a partner, of capturing a heart-throb. Had never entertained the thought of seeking a partner online, was never curious about such services, who would be interested in the profile of mine!
Awoken to the world so severe,
Was I willing to be intrepid,
And journey through this canyon?
But I did.
For the dangers, they were beyond my perception, well past my imagination.
Scams I understood in the conventional sense, but had never scratched its surface, never sniffed its menacing stench… Seeking a niche in society meant cheating your way, ripping people off, taking advantage of their innocence, are we all victims to this game…?
Fooling the unaware, Coercing their minds, Corrupting their affairs…robbing their dignity, Of not playing fair.
Am I supposed to now believe all are knaves, of fraudulent leanings, craving their next opportunity? I cannot blame anyone but myself…
Are you going to punish me for being so gullible…my mind weakened, I was in trouble. Don’t look down on me and feel pity…I have gone beyond such superficiality. Wading my way through all of this, I sometimes stop and wince, how was I so stupid from the beginning?
A desperate need for love unrequited, I jumped quickly in that hoop to find a trap well set up, oh my god, how was I duped!
Was I to please my hunter…was I satisfying enough as the hunted?
The bounty at the end was oh so enticing, it was my ticket to escape, my exit from this hostile environment I had grown tired of, had learnt to loathe, even hate. Very little was to sustain me here other than a few contacts, dear students, who, on occasion had made me feel, for a brief moment, normal, real, had extended kindness generously enough to enable a firmer footing here.
Self-loathing had crept in, depression had lurked its ugly head, my dignity all shattered like fine-bone china on the concrete slab.
Naturally I was led to think my ‘pop-up’ to be the solution, the answer to my issues…and I responded. How corrupted of spirit had I become.
In this transition now visible before me, the prevailing remained obscure; hidden to those dear in my circle. I was distant and distracted, bound by this other world; of operations, of master threats, who would have known what spheres I was possessed.
Occasionally the phone would ring. In a gravelly voice he would begin:
‘You are the one, you are mine,
What are you talking about?
With God`s blessing, we will unite.’
You may ask what the purpose of all that money was,
To save a sinking ship, secure loot, gold pieces. Both literally… no really!
In hindsight it all sounds a bit hyperbolical, in what day and age are we confronted with such diabolical???
A sense of danger approaching the rough seas, a darkening of skies, a foreboding mirage looming?
Where`s the money, how much can you drop?
Please believe me my dear this has to stop.
One more deposit, one more exchange,
One more arrow, one more cage.
The façade we uphold, maintaining a story,
Keeping faith on hold…why do we do what we do?
I could easily block the app and withdraw from view.
Why don`t you screams my head? I can`t… persists my heart…there is so much unfinished business yet, why do I tread?
I have given him my all, what am I dreaming…a win fall?
I doubt very positively that this will eventuate, with bated breath, I have more than anticipated the outcome of my fate.
Just one more drop, one more deal. How do you think I feel?
I am not your money-bags dear, I don`t even earn that much. Do you now want me to turn tricks for you, my love, so as to keep this end of the deal? An affront…
I struggle to find solutions yet cannot resist the constant interruption that exists.
Hold me strong and don`t let go….
Dear God intervene… I am not of substance, and my nerves are wearing thin….
I indulge him, to keep the channels alight, but at what cost to this blight?
Am I letting go or standing still, is there any promise to fulfill? I doubt it.
My circumstances have proven thus far, there is nothing to gain from this affair.
I have not had a pleasant ride, it has not taken me afar, no delight transpired.
Stunted I look for answers and to my dismay, there is nothing but a vacant stare, dull and lifeless, but a pallor veneer reflected in vain.
How do I overcome this dilemma?
Give up immediately and flee forever? What options are presented, what to hold, life is not perfect, accept and move on?
Frustratingly, and in vain, I seek an angle, sometimes bemusing my innermost emotions…Temporarily relieving my thoughts racing in my mind, I then return to the same vicious cycle, weathered over time. Must I surrender to these impasses, or do I valiantly proceed without disaster? The prospects foreboding, the will disturbed, my mind ever confused…pray be still.
There a sumo yukata-clad, balancing precariously on his bicycle, he rides past by me oblivious to the stares. In what world am I surrounded, confusion only blares.
A curiosity for certain, inquisitive glances only remind me of the differences existing. I sit in wonder, where will this lead me, am I going to carry such a burden for too much longer? Will he concede and reprieve on the offer?
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Story 5 – LC
It was two years ago I was in my late 30s with good paying job and a vast network of social life, I just joined the online dating platform for the first time. It was a paid service in US$ worth of US$35 per month because I was serious about looking for a new relationship. (That means the scammer(s) also paid the same to stay on that platform)
Soon after I got a message from a male profile with no photos. Indeed it was the first message. His profile didn’t look overly committing to relationship (Otherwise I would have put off) and I had absolutely zero knowledge about Romance Scam. He soon suggested to chat on WhatsApp (Now I know this is an early sign of a scam) and I agreed. He sent me ‘Hi’ with photos of extremely good looking guy almost too-good-to-be-true (Now I know this guy in the photo is a journalist with an open Instagram account) and I had to admit that I was thrilled by it.
I felt bit weird about the fact he overly talks about the business he runs as soon as we started chatting (Now I know most scammers claim they’re self-employed) felt weird about the fact he types words very quickly (Now I know he was copying and pasting the template replies), felt he was too self-centred by talking about himself without asking much about me (Now I know these are the red flags). But I had no idea about Romance Scam and this is my first experience for online dating so I put my slight doubts aside and went on. (Now I know, you must ALWAYS trust your gut feeling about someone)
For a week we chatted everyday but only chit chat and nothing romantic, then a week later he said he is going to Europe for a business trip as his client there was with a trouble (There you go!). I was also going to be away to other country for holidays in two weeks. (So he had only two weeks to scam me and now I know that’s why he pulled up the plan to lay out the scam at this early stage before setting up a ‘’bond’ creation in between me)
From Europe he sent me a video. It was a video of ‘him’ finishing his morning run routine in the park. I was ecstatic, I don’t know how many times I watched that video. I also found he had a North American accent. (Which goes along with his background he provided) He sent me more photos and messages then bang, sent me this long email and for the first time with passion about his idea of relationship. Basically I was sold for that and wrote him back honestly with most open attitude.(As you can imagine the scam took place right after this)
But at this point I wasn’t in love with him. I can’t be in love with someone I have never met. I guess all I had was just a hope someday I will meet him soon.
Next morning he texted me when I was on the bus saying “Did you read my email? It’s urgent”.
It was a long email about him in need of US$5,000 to pay the for his business. Long story short, I made a quick decision and wired him money. Now I come to think if he was in need of other money such as for hospitalization, I wouldn’t have done it. I think I was scammed because I am a business woman and I think I wanted to appear I understand his business needs. My ego played a role in here. (He used the now-too-obvious tactic of “not having anyone else to depend on but you”. Scammers create the situation where you are the only person in his world to talk to, which at the time I felt weird but again, I didn’t know about this tactic so I went on)
Just when I thought the ‘emergency’ was averted, next day he laid out another emergency situation continuing from the last one with the request of money for US$7,500. I could not believe it and I even told him that my friend was scammed and I am doubting if he was the one. My friend was scammed in the different way it was a marriage scam not online. At the time I thought he could be a scammer but I also thought I would confront him if he comes back from Europe. I told him I can’t send money to someone I have never spoken. I asked him to call me and he agreed.
We set a phone call, him in Europe and me in Asia. It was 3am and first I was alarmed because the line was jammed with noise and that his voice tone was completely different from the video and most notably, he sounded like an Indian not North American. But I was happy to be able to finally hear his voice and I said “Hey you sound different!” and he replied something stupid like he sounds different because he is excited to talk to me.
BIG RED FLAG.
His English was real bad, this confused me because his English was bit wobbly on texts but perfect on Emails. (Now I know the emails are scripted by an native English speaker) He begged for money and I was annoyed by his arrogance and forceful attitude. (Now I know this is typical African scammer attitude) I was confused by inconsistency in his accent but I couldn’t hear him clearly by noise (Now I know they scrambled the line) and it was late at 3am and I was too tired from anxiety by his situation which didn’t make any sense to me. I was crying. So in the end with all these red flags and alarm beeping in my head I gave in and decided to send him money next morning.
Next morning I went to MoneyGram again to wire him US$7,500 to London as I did for the 1st remittance. I was extremely upset by the fact it is all about him since the beginning and I exhausted by him. I didn’t know what or why I was doing this. If you ask me now all I can say is I was under a weird spell. I think this is what it means by you weren’t in control literally. And it was the first experience ever to feel that way for me.
Then I went on my holiday, he was still stuck with his unrealistic situation in Europe and not being able to come back to Asia, but he didn’t ask me the 3rd request while I was on holidays. (Now I know because he knew I can’t send them money particularly after I lied that I emptied my bank a/c which I gave a second thought whether to lie him to protect my savings and honestly, all I was thinking at the time was I didn’t want to appear that I have no money to him and finding excuses that not having much saving.)
On my holiday, we were chatting on WhatsApp. His situation grew gloomier day by day and he sounded depressed day by day. None of this made sense and I started thinking he is bit of an idiot. Red flags all the way but I pushed it aside by thinking maybe he sounds so by stressful situation and he would be normal after this. And if he was a scammer then I would confront him when we finally meet. Why did I think a scammer would meet me? I really don’t know but all I can say is I really just have never heard of this type of scam at all. All I knew was my friend’s case in where she married guy who later turned out a scammer. I guess that made me think at least I would see him later no matter how situation gets worse and that I would not get scammed like my friend did.
When I came back from my holiday, on Day 1 he sent me the 3rd request this time asking me to fly to China to sign on US$1.7M contract with his client as they decided to pay him out and that he can’t fly because now he is sick.
THAT’S when I realised this is a scam as I am in the finance job I know what money laundering is. I gasped for the air for realising the extent of stupidity of myself. It was almost unreal to think I lost US$12,500 like that. But I didn’t make action because I knew this is a money laundering attempt and that I thought I should work with police to bait him out.
Went to the police station they told me to send the case in by email so I did. I waited for police to contact me. But it took too long, I couldn’t hold him for more than 2 weeks pretending I now know I am being scammed by a global criminal syndicate. (I did extensive study online about it) So I blocked him and that was the end of the contact. (Back then I was still thinking authorities can catch the scammers)
A month later police called me in for filing my case officially. They even went to the address he gave me to find no one under his profile lives there. Checked his local phone number to find out it is on the SIM card anyone can purchase at 7/11 and top up. And that his email IP corresponds to Indonesia and Nigeria.
I posted all his information online and few months later a woman from where I live contacted me telling me she too was approached by the guy with same phone number of different name and she told me she called the number and few different Chinese speaking guys picked up the phone and each of them told her the person she is asking for (a white guy) is not there. She thanked me for posting about my scam details so that she didn’t have to be a victim. Few other women contacted me the same.
I can tell from my experiences that you are extremely vulnerable for things you have never heard or encountered in your life. I knew about conventional scams like it happened to my friend (a marriage scam) but NEVER have I imagined of THIS, not perpetrated by a scam-man but by a global criminal syndicate which possibly has connections with other bigger crimes or worse terrorism and their operation is impossible for current authority to bring down.
Often the media portraits the Romance Scam victims are retired lonely women. I, in my late 30s with wide network of friends and social life, had never thought I would be the one. Scammers rarely target young people just because young people usually have no money not because old people are prone to the scams. I hate how media gets this wrong. (Then when they don’t?) Truth is not the victim-centric as they want to scandalously portrait of us, the victims, but it is all about MONEY for the scammers and nothing else. Scammers target men, women, gays, young and old regardless of their profession or educational level as long as the one has MONEY.
If you think you are being scammed but you are not sure, then what I can tell you is NO ONE asks money unless they’re scammers. And all your gut feeling about ‘there is something wrong with him/her’ IS REAL and you shouldn’t doubt if you are being silly because you are NOT.
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Story 6 – RMcC
I was scammed 2 years ago through a dating site. I was feeling a bit lonely at the time.
His name was Michael Stanton so he told me. I fell in love with this man and believed everything he told me even though my family and friends all told me that it was a scam. He received all my savings amounting to $16000.00. I worked so hard for that money and didn’t hesitate in sending money.
I still have a house and a car and my pension. When l looked back later I couldn’t believe what I had done as I was very good with money and would never considered doing what I had done.
My family wouldn’t talk to me and blamed me and I felt more lonely than I did before.
It finished in January and I had to change my bank account, my credit card my phone numbers, one of my sons rang him in Turkey and told him that I had committed suicide and thought that would be the end. It stopped for about 2 months and one night the phone rang about 4am and they caught me out how I don’t know.
I ruined my life really went to solicitor banks, police, everywhere but no help here in Australia.
My family are now very supportive to me and have helped me but I will never forgive myself as that was their inheritance.
Something strange happened a few months ago and got a man through Facebook requesting to be my friend with a photo. I was really surprised as he looked like the same person. I never reply to these but I answered this and said that he looked liked a man that scammed me. When I explained to him that they used other people’s photos never there own and he asked me if I could send him a copy of this photo I had. I sent him the photo and he sent a larger one of him and with the words he said that it was a good job he had shaved off his moe and said it was a terrible thing for anyone to do.
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Story 7 – FL
In November I was approached by a man who was a random match on Words with Friends. I won’t give his screen name, as I’m sure he has many. The initial exchanges were polite, sweet and charming, and I was slowly drawn in to keep chatting with him. We shared details about our lives with each other and found we had a lot in common. I began to look forward to his messages more than I should have.
He told me he was a marine engineer doing contract work on an offshore rig in Norway. He said he had lost his wife to cancer 7 years ago and had a 15 year old daughter in the states with a nanny. He had been walking around with a hole in his heart, never expecting to find love again. His contract would be up soon and he planned to retire so he could travel. Asked me if I would be his traveling companion and said that he wanted to treat me like a queen.
We began to chat multiple times a day on Google Hangouts, which I downloaded at his request. There were daily phone calls as well, with him professing his love and his gratitude for coming into his life. I was “the answer to his prayers “. By then, he had started calling me “my love”, “honey”, “sweetheart “, etc. All of this lasted over 2 months and my heart had been melting all the while, even against my better judgement. He knew all the right things to say and I felt wanted, needed and loved.Was this finally my soulmate? If I backed off from this chance at true love, would I always regret it?
We made plans to meet once he got back to the States next month. I did wonder a bit why he wouldn’t want to see his daughter first, after being away from her for 6 months. But I told myself that he was as besotted as I had become, and he couldn’t wait for us to finally meet. And he said that his daughter was excited at the prospect of having a “new mom” at last. This should have raised red flags, as I hadn’t even met him in person yet, but he kept assuring me we were meant to be together and he felt he had known me in a previous life. We were just continuing the love affair we had started then. The romance and the mystery clouded my more rational thoughts and I allowed myself to be swept away by his charming and loving words.
Well it finally happened…a few days ago, he asked me if I would arrange to receive a package from London that was his late father’s inheritance. I didn’t stay around for the details, but told him what a f***** he was to play with my emotions. He tried a few more times to pull me back in, telling me I was breaking his heart and why was I doing this, my love? Have you forgotten so soon all the sweet moments we shared?
Yes, I was deeply hurt, but so glad my instincts finally kicked in and I didn’t let him play this out any longer.
I am so grateful for this forum, and my heart goes out to all of you who have been played, like me, by these smooth and charming love scammers. My new motto: If it feels too good to be true, it probably isn’t.
Be strong, beautiful women! We all deserve more
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Story 8 – AB
The man I thought I was talking to said his name was Andre, he found me on Instagram. When we first started talking, I tried to get rid of him quickly, it’s what I usually do when men try to talk to me online. I tell them I’m in a relationship and nothing can come of it but if they want to chat as friends from time to time then that’s okay, and it usually does the trick, and I don’t have to deal with them anymore.
But not Andre, he kept pursuing me. And eventually, I weakened. He told me how beautiful I was, and that he wanted to meet me someday. Basically everything I’ve never heard any man in my life tell me. At the time my man and I were going through a rough patch, we didn’t know if we were going to stay together, so yeah I was vulnerable. We would chat everyday, I even set my notifications sound from the app we used to a certain ringtone so I knew when it was him.
Everything was going fine our chats were innocent and romantic and yes I fell for him. But from time to time I did notice inconsistencies In the things he was saying or he’d say he told me something when I knew he didn’t. But I just let it slide, because I really wanted to believe that this big beautiful man wanted me.
Andre told me he was a soldier, he had relocated from Germany to Texas. He said he was on a peace keeping mission In Kabul Afghanistan. He would tell me he was in the command room or the communications room all alone, and so he could talk to me. Then he told me their general was coming and they were having a rewards ceremony for which he got a substantial reward. And I congratulated him. I was pleased that him and his kids would be well taken care of because of it.
Everything was going well and as I said earlier our relationship was very romantic until one day out of the blue it turned sexual, he started to ask me to send pics of myself and promised to keep them for his own private use. At first I sent ones of myself in my PJs, done up in high heels make up and mini dresses or lingerie but I made sure I was covered up. But he wanted nude ones, he sent me a pic of his…. At least I thought it was his cause the dude was wearing army pants and boots ? I told him I didn’t feel comfortable about full nude but I agreed to do semi nudes(what a fool).
When I was ready. As you can guess I sent them my face and my breasts? after that things ressumed as normal and he would even call me and I would call him, I remember now thinking the first time I heard his voice that he sounded black but I brushed it off, he even tried to video call me but said his system wasn’t working that’s why I couldn’t see him.
I figured it because he was In the military and it was for security reasons. Suddenly one-day he called me sobbing and crying telling me that his Nanny Judith called to tell him that his son Tristan had been rushed to hospital, I spent all day from calls to chats consoling him until he found out what was wrong with Tristan. The diagnosis was cancer. That’s when it all went down hill.
He was desperately trying to find a way to get money to pay his son’s medical bill but what he said he wanted to do made no sense to me, at first he said that his Nanny said she only had $1000 left of the money he gave her when he left for deployment and needed another $1000 and could I help him out, he said he would pay me back as soon as he got home which is in may, I said I couldn’t do that because I didn’t have that kind of money, so he asked me for $200 for iTunes cards so he could access his bank account and he would transfer 15k into my bank account and then I was to take the money for his son’s bill out and he would tell me what to do with the rest (even though I said that i would help him out, it didn’t feel right so I delayed it as much as I could so I would be able to research what he told me)he said a colleague told him that’s what he did, i still didn’t buy it and I continued to research and not give him anything.
I wanted to be sure he was doing the right thing and as I discovered iTunes was for shopping online and you couldn’t access your bank account at all through it, so I started to research other ways he could get help even suggesting that what he actually needed was a top up card from his phone company, and as he didn’t want the military to know what he was doing, with a top up they wouldn’t need to know, cause everyone knows top ups give you data so you don’t need to connect to a server duh!!! I told him I had emailed an actual doctor from the USA to see what is supposed to happen In a case such as his, as he is a single father.
I had a feeling that there had to be a way he could go home early in a case such as this, I even looked up and downloaded military criteria on early leave reasons and how you could get it. And when I tried to tell him about all of this it just fell on deaf ears. He was adamant that the iTunes card was what he needed but I kept saying no, I even started to wonder if the Nanny was preying on his desperation to be with his son, that’s when I asked him if he told her about the reward he got before or after she said his son was sick.
But he just said she wouldn’t lie to him, but I tried to hint that his son only got sick after he got that reward, but he wouldn’t listen and continued to harass me. I even said I would write to the military on his behalf as long as he gave me all the information I needed such as his doctor’s details, a copy of the hospital bill and an email confirming everything from the doctor and his Nanny. I was to tell them I was his fiance. But I couldn’t shake the niggling feeling in my gut and he seemed to be leaving his Nanny out of the equation a lot, after all she’s the one in America with his son, wouldn’t it make sense to give her the money to pay the doctor. That’s when I started to suspect something wasn’t right so I put together all the info I found out and my reasons he should take a look at it all and why I felt I couldn’t buy the cards for him and waited for his reply.
When he did reply I was not expecting the reaction I got. At first he was disappointed and said I accused him from the start about lying to me, but I said I was just trying to protect myself and I also noticed that he would never go out of his way to prove he was who he said he was, his phone calls were supposed to be proof enough, well no it was not enough, when it was my birthday, and I asked him for a photo of him as a present to me that day he said he couldn’t do that because he had no camera on His phone yet he sent me of one of his d…earlier that week. Basically I kept catching him out even when I wasn’t trying to. He once told me the name of the hospital his son was in, but after looking it up I had to tell him that there was no such centre or hospital under that name in Texas, it was in fact the title for the different types of medical professions, he managed to trick me into letting him add me on Facebook, he then showed me screenshots of my Facebook friends to check that he had the right person, thinking he was wanting to be my friend Facebook I didn’t think anything of it. But then he dropped a Bomb and I will never forget the feeling and he violation I felt when I heard the words”if you don’t pay the money I want I’m going to post the semi nude pics of you” my heart sank and I began to sob, it was then that I made the embarrassing decision to message all and I mean all of my fbk friends to tell them what to expect, I simply asked them to delete the pics and not make a big deal of it for my sake.
I did tell them why they might receive these pics and to my amazement and surprise they all supported me and gave me love. This went on all that night and I’m still getting supportive messages now. No one would let me feel ashamed people even told me that it happened to them even my own sister. So I didn’t feel so alone, and yes I had to tell my man and I told him everything, he forgave me wrapped his arms around me, Went outside and smashed over the recycling bin came back inside and asked if he could see the pictures but i found the archives album and deleted the pics permanently from the app and the page we used for our chats.
I realized pretty quickly that he didn’t save copies of the photos I sent him when I saw that his screenshots were from our chats on the app. But even if he did post them it didn’t matter anymore because everyone that mattered knew so he had no power over me. Yes he tried to add a link to the archives album but it as too late I had beat him to it and I told him and yet he continued the blackmail, but I told him I forgave him and I do, I wished him the best because even wankers deserve good things to happen to them which angered him.
After all aren’t soldiers supposed to be intelligent to be in the military, that in itself should have been my biggest clue, because he wasn’t.
The blackmail suddenly stopped when I told him if I had the money and I could be bothered I would hunt him down. I guess I should be grateful my would be scammer was a dumb one and not as clued up as I was about the internet, I’m happy that I’m the one who got away.
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Story 9 – Sophie
Here is my story; sorry but English is not my language and I’m a bit tired, depressed… but I will do my best.
I really believe that we need to share our stories of SCAMMERS in order to warn other people.
My son and his sweetheart both have accounts and play the market, buying stock and selling, you know.
I was never on a web based dating site, never in my life. It’s not for me. And with all the experiences of my single female friends, it’s mostly a disaster, people lie about their profession, their weight, and so on.
The only social network I’m on is Linked in, for work.
But I did pay 2 times, couple of years ago, for membership in a “real” dating site, with a manager (that you meet) and real pictures of men. I have met a few men.
In July (2017) one day, my daughter in law told me that she just bought some stock from “tinder”. And was asking me to try this app. You know, you’re single, it can’t hurt, you never know Sophie!
First I said “No way Love” but she did insist and promised me to manage my account (on my phone).
Ok then I said.
It started there. With her help, I did filter and met in person, 5-6 men.
After 2 weeks approx, this man came along. He was different, very romantic. But was in Manitoba (lie) as an engineer to bid on a contract here, where I live. Was supposed to then go finish up a contract in Cyprus but, in between, he will stop here to meet me.
Last minute… he became sick, food poisoning.
Then he emailed me, called me, and texted me from “Cyprus”. The area code were ok, etc.
As I planned earlier in that year, I had to go to France in August(2017) to visit my best friend for her birthday. Big surprise party organized by her lovely husband.
Everyday he was texting or emailing to me.
Once he asked for the phone number where I was in France. My friends agreed.
He called me. The area code looked ok, from the “fix” phone he had in his apartment in Cyprus.
Then he asked for the address… my friends said oh, why not?
Couple of days later I received this beautiful bouquet of flowers, with a very nice vase.
I was wow!
Then, he started to call me boo, love, queen, all the bs. He never woke me up in the night, I could sleep but he was there, texting or calling, multiple times every day. I was in heaven. Plans to get together, he was from California but wife died in his arms in a car accident caused by a drunk driver, 3 years ago, teenager son living in Scotland with Granny.
She was sending me emails, very nice and sensitive emails. Told me to “shhh” but she discovered that her son was in love with me and wanted to start the second and last chapter of his life with me, in Canada. Poor son was working so hard since wife died. Never had another girlfriend, since he lost his soul-mate.
When I called in Scotland, like 3 times, it was the answering machine… So my scammer told me that her mother was in dialysis 4 times a week and needed a kidney.
She was old and under much stress by the electronics… she could not talk on the phone.
But, she was always responding to my emails, in TALL police of characters.
He owned a business, with a site, and his pictures and the employees.
One day he called me crying (he was crying a lot) desperate: he could not get out of Cyprus because he had to pay taxes on is million-ish dollar contract. And the government was linked to the airport, so there was no way to get out.
He also had to pay his lawyer (with a web site), etc.
Since he is not done paying taxes to Cyprus, he could not be paid by his client.
He had no friends, Mum was poor and sick, and could not ask his employees. It was just a loan.
I began to send him money through MoneyGram, and then I wired money. I have a lot of details I could tell about the names of those “partners in crime” he has in Ontario(Canada), Georgia(USA) and Cyprus.
I was sorry he could not skype… his camera was broken.
As of now, I’m closed to be bankrupt, I hate myself and I am desperate. Plus, I am under a depression (with pills).
My son knows that I was in love with this man but does not know about all the money I did “loan”. No one knows about the money aspect. Well, only the Security dept of my bank, who blocked me once.
At this time, I was out of the nightmare of breast cancer (surgery and so on), and seeing my best friend in France was such a boost for me, I was high.
I showed all the emails to my French friend; she said “this guy looks weird Darling: too much poetry, too much in love after a short period of time, be careful”.
But I really believed that it was possible that I meet a man my age, educated, very kind and capable of commitment in love. After all, maybe it’s my turn to be happy!
I am educated, but was vulnerable, lonely, naive and idiot…
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Hi! My mom was the victim of 2 successive romance scams and lost a total of $60k between the 2 scams.
She met the first scammer on OurTime.com and gave him $30k in dribs and drabs to help him with his “business failings”. The set up is that the first scammer, when he is through with the “romance” that cost her so much money, treats her badly. Then he sells her name and contact info on the dark web. The second scammer – who is a much more skilled brainwasher – comes in to “make her feel better” after the first scam and promises a life together where only he can fix her emotional pain. Mom lost another $30k on that scam, this time in amazon gift cards in $500 increments.
My mom supposedly met a real person in Charlotte, NC in November, for the 2nd scam, so we can only assume that the romance scam people are hiring actors because their business is so lucrative. After that, she Skyped and used an untraceable google phone number, plus texts, to contact the man who is really a criminal organization. It seems from the texts like the organization allows less skilled people, or even a bot, to generate romantic phrases that keep her dopamine levels up. Also they contact her at all hours so as to deprive her of sleep.
My brother and I had to go to South Carolina where she lived in a remote location and rescue her. She was making a burka on her sewing machine – Mom is Catholic – and the scammer was promising a ticket to Iran. Whether she was being set up for a kidnapping because she was out of money, or if she suggested the trip and he was just playing along but the plane ticket would never really arrive, we will never know. But it is possible she was making her own funeral garment.
My brother and I took guardianship and took her back to a retirement home near me. She is bereft and cries constantly. The love of family has finally made her see that the whole thing was a scam, but she is in the first stages of dementia and goes in and out of lucidity about that fact. Sometimes Mom holds out hope that the scammer is real, and sometimes she realizes that the “dreams of the future” and other intimate information they shared was a lie.
She is completely bereft and I am trying to get her to grief counseling, though there are few groups for this odd type of grief. However, she almost never thinks about the fact that she lost all her meager savings – she thinks of the “love” she lost constantly.
We had to take away her smart phone because even after Mom said she only had $15 and that we had total control over her life, the scammers wouldn’t stop contacting her. Additionally, my brother and I had weird things happening on our computers, so we had to install VPNs, change all passwords and get the best malware protection out there.
This incident continues to put a tremendous strain on me and my family. The dating services are at fault for blithely allowing known stolen identities – the photos and identity used by the second scammer were reported stolen by the real person to the FBI – and not doing anything to stop it. The victims of this psychological rape and the families are left to pick up the pieces for years aftewards.
I personally went to my local FBI field office and talked to an agent, but he said the FBI doesn’t consider this type of swindle a crime, which floored me. How can I explain what happened as anything other than a crime?
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Story 11- Ashamed and Betrayed
I’m a 43 years old women, divorced with one only son. I never believed in relationship online sites but one I’ve decided to give it a try and then I met a guy on Tinder Application who’s name is Ray Anthony Sanchez, it was a instant switch between us, he asked to leave the Tinder application and move to other chat application in my case was WhatsApp. He says that he was an Military Soldier Paratrooper who works in Camp Blanding, Jacksonville. We chat everyday he also sent me pictures and videos of the place he supposedly worked.
One day he told me he was on the list of a few soldiers who are going to be deployed to United Arab Emirates, specifically Abu Dhabi. I was devastated, sad and can’t believe the man of my dreams is going far away from me to the other side of world.
As soon he’s arrived there he told me the flight was fine, that he missed very much and want to keep communication everyday with me, suddenly he told me he doesn’t have this wallet overseas and he’s very worried because the cellphone service is very different that Jacksonville. The next day he told me he was verifying with the cellphones companies and told that the cost to buy a pre paid card was 300 and asked if I can help him, swearing that once his deployment finished he pay me back, I said yes in the name of love, go to Western Union and made the first transaction of many other ahead.
I starting to doubt on him because a friend of mine sent me the same photo of Anthony, with two different names, I was naive and I can’t accept that, how the man who sent me such beautiful words, poems and caring for me is going to betray me. But the money transfers continues, until recently I discovered the painful truth, Ray Anthony Sánchez doesn’t exist he used a veteran handsome young soldier who lives in Jacksonville and he’s retired from the Army and now works in a company there, also his father is Representative in Duval County. I’m ashamed, betrayed, the sadness I felt is very hard to described but no matter how bad I feel I’m starting to call the FTC, FBI, Western Union, SS, Equifax and other companies to fill a complaint for what happened to me.
I lost 3,846 in many different transactions, I’m devastating, I feel like a fool how can I pull myself to this? Why me? Right now I’m in the healing process, this starts on May until this last weekend. The loss of money doesn’t hurt, the really hurt is in my Heart, my self esteem, my soul and how can I separate the real one from the scammer, I cried almost all day at my work, still in denial mode because my heart and my mind can’t make the difference between the two persons. Next week I’m going to see my psychologist and hope she gave the tools I need to surpass this lost.
Thanks for letting me share my story with you. I hope others can read it and says I never fall into a romance scam.
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First I want to let you know that English is not my first language but I’m trying to write the best I can.
All started on Instagram. I met a “wonderful” kind and loving guy named Philip Sjoberg. He is an immigrant from Sweden who moved to the USA in his 20’s with his parents.
He send me a kind request on Instagram telling me that my smile has captivate him and he would like to meet me. At first I was not sure of wanting to meet anyone as I was aware of the scams, I replied to him after 2 weeks, one night after a couple of wines, I just replied to him asking him from which country was he from., He was a gentle, kind and I was very much attracted to the kindness in his words, his charmed and because he knew that I need it love and attention.
I been in a marriage that I consider its been unhealthy but I’m stuck in it because I don’t have the financial means to leave my husband. I thought, maybe I can find the right person who could steal me and my heart and have finally that love, attention and relationship that I been looking for in my dreams.
This gentleman was amazing, he had all I wanted in a man, he said he was working as a private contractor for the oil and gas sector. That called my attention as I know a bit of that. He told me he was a widow, his son Julian died 9 years ago from an overdose and his late wife Judy died 2 years ago too and for him was very devastating and he thought he couldn’t make it through because of his pain, but his daughter Lori told him to accepted the fact that his late wife was not coming anymore. So he felt after 2 years he should try start dating again and he was looking for his lady to have a serious relationship. I was honest and told him that I was married in a very unhealthy relationship and that I really wanted a divorce. He agreed that I should divorce as I deserved a gentleman and someone who really love me. He always told me not to worry as he support me. I did not know in which way.
We communicated almost for a month using the messenger service of a Instagram. I was so happy, I was enjoying his attention, his words, all the things he was telling me that I haven’t heard in a very long time. The song that he dedicated to me, We talked about many things, his family, the love for his granddaughter, etc
I understood for our conversations that he was very wealthy with a big house in Carlsbad near the ocean, driving his 2 toy cars a Maserati and Lamborghini. I took all with calm as I couldn’t really believe this was happening to me. Our conversations were long, we laugh and seems like we knew each other from another life. I fell for him and he seems also to shared the same feelings. He was a son of god, attended his Sunday commitment and I was happy to know that we shared the same believes.
I had my doubts specially when I google it and found no answers, I decided to keep investigating him, something was bothering me, the fact that I can’t find any information of him in the internet. As the said “No news, bad news “ I paid the service of BeenVerified and I couldn’t find anything of him in the area where he said he lives or the entire USA. I try to research the pictures that he sent me but no location was given. He was smart at that, no trace of anything.
Then he asked me to use hangouts and I felt a bitter taste in my mouth, the first red flag came to me. I asked him for his phone number in case we had an emergency, how we can reach each other, so he gave me a number, I search the number looking for answers, the area was where he lives, I try to do a reverse search and nothing came out, no name, another flag. We spent hours texting mostly during the day, he said he was looking for a contract in Europe as he has not worked in 2 years since his wife died and his piggybank was getting low, so he had to work in the evening to catch up with the time zone in Europe. I don’t know what he was really doing.
He send me many pictures of him, I found him very handsome, I also asked for pictures of his house, I wanted to know all about him or find real answers. The pictures he sent from his house looked like rooms in a hotel, I did not realized it until later looking at them with detail, so he never really sent me pictures of his home. The living room, at the end of it had 3 coffee makers and 3 toasters, I see them even at far, I asked him why you have so many coffee makers, he ignored me and I knew he was not a coffee drinker.
He never really had interest in talking on the phone until I practically imposed myself so he called me up but his voiced sounded as he was from Texas or Louisiana, kind of singing English and I was wondering I asked him, I though it was a bit of his Sweden accent with English but he told me he grow up in Minnesota.
Finally we did a video call and I was able to proof that his face and voice were him. I was so happy to talk to him, I was crazy about him. His birthday was yesterday the day we broke up!
A week ago, I asked him for his address to send him a card, he immediately told me that someone was calling him before he replied to my text, I found that weird, I sense he was thinking what to said or to do or looking for an address to give me. As soon as he replied He really wanted to know the reason of me asking for his address, I noticed, he was not happy about that, I said not to worry as I’m not going to visit him. The address he gave me was a warehouse, I used google earth and it also had an STE, I thought, a mansion with a STE? Beside the sea? it’s weird, I asked him and he said, that’s the way addresses in California are, I am from Canada but I knew STE are used mostly for offices.
I run another search in Search people and the address came out as a factory, another flag, I was confused and started to feel scare of what I was putting myself into and I still wanted to believe in him in my dream, my happinesses.
He told me that he wanted me to move to California after he was done with his job overseas and he will give me the best life ever, traveling the world.
After almost two months of looking for a contract without any luck, suddenly, he called me up so excited to tell me that he got a contract with a rich man in Ukraine , he sounded so true so real and that he have to fly to NY in 2 days to sign the contract with a representative, I was really happy for all the good things happening.
The day he went to NY , I wanted to check in which flight he left to have idea of his arrival in NY but I couldn’t find any flight leaving from Carlsbad to NY on that day so I thought maybe he flew from San Diego but he had no enough time to reach the airport as he was chatting with me as from where he lives to SD it’s quite far but I did not give much importance, I believed him.
I did not heard from him much during the 3 days he was in NY. He told me he was very busy with the representative and his contract, then, he sent me a picture of him and some guy signing the contract. When I saw the picture at first I was happy that he got the job but looking at the picture again, I found that he was looking to a different direction of the camera, I thought this looks weird, so I did an image search and I found out the original picture from a news site from Dubai! My heart stop! The picture he sent me was a photoshopped of him! I was in shock , I couldn’t believe it, I decided to play around, I asked him in which hotel he was staying claiming I have no idea of NY, so he gave me the name, he told me he was paying 200 at night.
I called up the hotel and no one with his name was registered there, wow, I felt horrible, the truth I did not wanted to find was revealed to me. I realized he was lying to me and perhaps he was a scam and planning something with his job contract to scam me, I’m not sure.
The next day when he texted me he said he will stay one day more as he need it to be in NY and that the representative of his boss will be flying him in his private jet back to California. I did not believe a thing but played around.
The next day another disappointment came when I woke up. I found a message from him telling me how much he misses me and a picture of him in the luxury private yet seated, I run again another picture search and found again the original picture ! He sent me for the second time another picture of him photoshopped, By then I was very disappointed, sad, angry, feeling like a fool, embarrassed of being so naive, so stupid that this time I did it right. My world collapsed, I was down and depressed thinking what to do, either ignore it all or to face him.
I muster my courage to face it and told him he was a complete lier, he actually accused me of photoshopped the pictures to blame him claiming that his pictures were the originals and I had changed them to blame him! His true colour came out, his anger, his words accusing me of lying. I guess he was in shock as he never expected that I could discovered the truth, the pictures, he was not prepared for that, his interest was to know, how I found those pictures , where I found them., he said, tell me! I told him, the interned is full of information. He was so mad telling me that he couldn’t believe that I suddenly turned into the CIA to investigated him, bla bla. I decided to sign out of hangouts and removed the account and blocked him every where.
It did hurt me, I had a horrible day yesterday, I couldn’t believe stop crying, I missing him, part of me wanted the time I had, I wanted all again, I think, if I made a mistake killing what we had? maybe he had good intentions and I screwed it all? He did not asked me for money, or he did not had the chance. There were many things that he seemed so true, could be possible he played with me all the time?
I wanted to share my story because I’m also devastated. I thought I had found real love.
Now, I have more struggle in my relationship, I have no desire, energy of nothing, I feel depressed but I promised myself to bounce back. I repeat to myself, he was not real, he never care about me.
I think this group it’s amazing, I can’t tell anyone about this, my kids will be very angry Thank you for the support, love to all💕
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At the beginning of March 2019, I received an email thru the website “Mylanguageexchange” This is a site where you can practice and learn foreign languages with native speakers via email, text chat, voice chat or meet up for conversation exchange.
I was asked for friendship by a guy whose alleged name was Zane Nyser. He looked like a nice, gentle guy, interested in learning other languages. I replied to his email, and we started a close correspondence.
He introduced himself saying that he was in the US Army, was a Sergeant Major, aged 50 (I am 58) and he was currently deployed in a very isolated and dangerous camp in Afghanistan. He said he was a widower with a six years old daughter who was being taken care for by a military caregiver. He claimed to have a bachelor’s degree in Military Science at Rice Uni in Texas. Because of the nature of his assignment, he was only allowed to communicate via Gmail or Hangout, Gmail instant messaging system. He was not permitted to make any phone calls, or send video messages or taking pics. The only two pictures he posted showed him with his daughter and him alone in his uniform, when he introduced himself.
In hindsight, I should have discerned that nothing of what he said was real, even his English was not up to a graduate, but I carelessly missed to notice all the “red flags.”
I swear to God I was not looking for a romance, but things quickly intensified between us. We exchanged emails and texts, many of them. I sent him pics of myself; I wrote him things about my life I had never shared with anybody before. I was like possessed and under his spell. He was so caring and understanding and made me feel beautiful and desired. He talked of sharing a life that he would have retired from the Army to stay with me. He also appointed me as his daughter’s Guardian in the case of his death while on duty. He even sent me an official document to prove that. Which was a FAKE document, how I realized later.
OMG! I’ve been so naive and gullible! My heart was swelling with love and lust for this man.
He wrote to me that I was the most beautiful thing that had happened to him since the death of his wife, that I was His Queen (he never called me by my name, now I know why) and that he hadn’t had any sex with a woman for six years because he was waiting for the “right one”. That I was his soulmate and that his daughter couldn’t wait to call me “mum.” That he wanted to marry me once I had had a divorce and ran together a business of my choice in Canada. That he would buy us a house $ 900.000 worth with his savings. When I argued that I could not get my passport ready before June, he said he would buy the house in my name and get me the residency in the US. That everything was going to be okay.
He said he had only 30 days left at the camp and before heading back to the US he would spend fifteen days with me in Italy. He asked me to start booking a house on Airbnb where we would stay and make our plans.
We had three weeks of very close and intimate correspondence, with him purposedly disappearing for up to 12h from time to time because of “special and hazardous tasks,” and me sick worried for his safety.
I even put an alert on my phone for the Afghan latest news, so to be punctually informed of any incident occurring to the US soldiers in that area.
When I read of two US soldiers killed in an ambush on a Friday mid of March, I got crazy with anxiety and concern. I texted and emailed him endlessly for the entire day and night. The morning after, he wrote to me that he and his unit had been called to rescue the dead soldiers in a war zone with no Internet connection. I was so relieved to hear from him and to know he was safe, that I did not question him further as I should have.
One day I asked him if he had told anybody about us. He replied that there was this buddy he confided in but was killed before we met because of a flying bullet. My love for this man and his troubled and unfortunate story grew even more.
Again, in hindsight, I should have asked him why among the names of the US soldiers died in Afghanistan there was no one killed at the beginning of March because of a flying bullet.
On a Saturday afternoon, he wrote that he was going to go on a special assignment with other 12 selected soldiers to take down an ISIS hide. That assignment, according to him, was the most dangerous mission he’d ever been ordered to join and that he would have gone for at least 24h. He told me not to worry, but be prepared to the worst, that I had to find his daughter and take care of her, he loved me so much, and blah, blah, blah.
Needless to say, I couldn’t eat or sleep with worry for the next 24h.
On Sunday night I got a message that he was back, mission accomplished. During his assignment, however, he had been shot in his ankle and shoulder, but he was safe back to the camp.
Then he added something that appeared unreal to me and prompted me to ask myself some questions.
I’m quoting his words:
“I have a relevant information to tell you My Queen, and i need you to keep it secret and only between us. We got to the hideout, where the Taliban/terrorist were camping,we broke in and managed to get the leader of the Taliban and killed some of his men.While we were searching through their camp we discovered some ammunition and some hostages.
We saved a sheikh (A Royal member) who eventually gave us some huge amount of money to appreciate our efforts as he has been in hostage for sometime now.
When we got to the camp, our Commander congratulated us for a job well done
He called other top officers Including myself.
He told us to share the money among ourselves as a compensation for all the dangers we suffered in the operation.
The operation was the most dangerous military operation i have ever experienced in my entire life. Now, the money has been shared among us and other soldiers and my share is an amount of US $505,000.
I have packed mine inside a brown-box that was used by the medical crew who came to treat wounded soldiers here and my personal documents, my Id card and my diary which i would love you to read and somethings about me, I also have very classified Documents that will help aid my Retirement approval. I have asked the lead doctor (Raymond) to help me deposit it to a Delivery Agency out side of Afghanistan.He promised to deposit with a Delivery company, who have the license to deliver safely.They have already left the base, he has made the deposit and send all the details to me.
My Lady, I’m entrusting this into your hand.This is the very good opportunity for me to retire and say good bye to this death roll kind of Job. This is what I want you to do, I want you to contact the delivery company and let them deliver the box containing the documents and my share of the money. Keep it safe until I come to meet you in your country never let anybody to know about it, before and after you receive it”
Then he added that I was to send an email to a shipping company in London and confirm that I would accept the box, paying them for the cost to organize a specially dedicated transport from London to my home.
I did what I was asked to, but as soon as I received the immediate reply from this company (it was midnight, Italian time), I started to sense that something was really off.
This Company was supposed to be located in London, but their English was terrible. Besides, their email address was “oceanic shiiping (yes, shiiping) comp” which did not add up.
I immediately wrote him back wording my doubts about this company, but he reassured me that three other Officers who were granted the same money had used it already and everything was fine.
I asked him why he could not pay this company with his Credit Card, and he replied that his credit card was in that box (how convenient of him)
The day after – Monday – he was very persistent in asking me if I had done what requested.
That’s when things became remarkably suspicious, and I have to thank my profession (I work in International Transports) if a bit of rationality kicked in my brain before I did the unthinkable.
I told him that I had some difficulties in withdrawing money with my Credit Card without going clear with my husband since we had a joint account. So, I proposed an alternative plan, which involved my brother who lives in the U.K., go to this Company’s office in London, pay for the expenses and then I would give instructions to a reliable trucking company which I usually work with to pick up the box and deliver it to my work’s address.
After a moment he replied that he did not feel comfortable to rely on a third party. That the contents of the box were fundamental to him and his life depended on it. And that I had to find a way to send the money to this company.
That’s when everything clicked in; the moment the fog lifted and the vision was bright again.
I had a close girlfriend of mine in the UK, who’s a former policewoman, to check this company’s phone number and it came out that it existed but belonged to a company that had nothing to do with Special Transport.
Then I checked on the Internet “online romance scams with US soldiers,” and I found out that what they reported corresponded entirely to what had happened to me. Blimey, I could check each red flag signs they named.
I started questioning him about his real identity, sending him links of the romance scams, including an official statement from the US Army that warned people, mostly women, not to send money to somebody known online.
In the beginning, he got offended and said I didn’t have to believe what was written on the Internet; then he told me I was putting his life in danger and finally said that he would soon prove to me that I was wrong. To which I replied, “I can’t wait for you to prove me that you’re indeed who you say you are, namely Sgt Zane Nyser of US Army with a six years old daughter.“
I haven’t heard from him ever since, and I hope I never will.
Reading other stories like mine, I’ve realized I’ve been lucky, and I hope my words can help other persons to be more cautious. For sure, if a thing seems too good to be true, then it probably isn’t.
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I recently was a romance scammer victim. I am not an english native spoken, but i did my best and i want to share my story. It’s too much similar to one of you have posted here.
All this sad story began at the end of April, 2020, i was playing online Scrabble Go, i couldn’t ever imagine i would be scam in this way. A game request was sent to me by a player called Marvin R. He used the little chat area in the game to contact me, first days i didn’t answer him, because i was not interested, but i was passing through quarantine alone at home, i think i was vulnerable and i felt in mood to talk with someone and i replied him. He started to talk about himself that he was from Norway, about 46 years old, with one 15 years old daughter and he was a project manager, living on North Carolina but working on oil rig in Scotland 6 months ago. At the beginning, i just tried to be friendly to him, but he showed to be more interested on me and asked me to talk out the game, and chat by hangouts, i said i didn’t use that app, and he told me about using Telegram instead. My instinct was pointed me a first red flag, but i was single for a long time, i haven’t talked to anyone during quarantine, and i accepted his proposal to talk in Telegram trading phone numbers.
The first week on Telegram he told me “his full name” was Richard Marvin Bowie, and he was know more about me, like my past relationships and what i had learnt from them, typical questions about my occupation, hobbies, etc. He started to be a little more romantic, using words like babe, baby or honey, and i started to feel something about him (maybe i was needed of attention and in the past i had very toxic relationships). All happened too fast (another red flag) and i was naive and i told him i was feeling something about him, he took advantage of that situation and said to me i was feeling the same way about me and he won’t regret about deciding to love me. My heart stopped because i was imagining on my mind this norwegian guy was in love of me and i felt the same. And “we decided” to have a LDR (long distance relationship) i am from Latinoamerica by the way.
Everything was going very well, he had called me for the first time, because he wanted to hear my voice, his accent was a little weird but i thought in that time i was about he was norwegian. But i was fallen in love of him, every day after his “workday” (there was about 6 hours difference) we talk and he made me phone calls (i just called him once and he was surprised and i hung up quickly, another red flag). The most of the time he asked me about my day but he didn’t tell too much about his. After we “dating” for one month, he disappear from telegram for two days, i was worried about him. After that he told me he was very depressed about a problem in the oil rig he was working on. There was an accident, and he was in charge of security of very expensive machinary and all the lost in that accidente was up on him. He needed to cover about $28,000 for each machinary and two of them were affected. It was an incredible story, my instinct was warning me again, but i wanted to know more details and in that moment, i knew i couldn’t help him with money, because i barely knew him, buuut, i was in love of him, he called me and told by phone very anxious, and because i am not good at listening in english yet, because it is not my native language, i didn’t get he want me to help him with money, he was angry and hung up the phone. After that, he wrote: Do you think i was joking with this?? (Another red flag i didn’t want to see) how much money can you help me out with? He asked. I said to myself: what?? I don’t have $28,000 usd. In my whole life i wouldn’t earn that amount. He pushed me and said to me: i need at least $3000 usd to get back on track my love. I tried to negociate with him because i didn’t wanted to give him money, but i think i was so scared for losing him that i agreed to help him out with $1500 usd. I passed through for an extenuant journey to get that amount of dollars in the city i live and in this pandemic time. Finally (and i didn’t use my bank account for security) i got the money and i sent it by western union. During all the process he was behind me to watch i was getting the money to him (another red flag i didn’t notice). I sent wire money to a person called Cheryl Brinkley, address in north carolina. He said was a coworker of his company. It passed about 4-5 days until he got the money i sent, when i asked him about the money, he just told me: you know there are bank restrictions but i let you know when i get it. I was tracking the money and it was withdrew. I was terryfied and calm at the same time, because i was thinking i made something to help him, but i was wrong. My mistake was i didn’t tell somebody about i was giving away part of my life savings to a strange, and just for love.
Another week passed, and he summitted me a email with an attached file of a pre contract with a huge amount of money he will paid for his services to an oil shore company called Bristoil Offshore Services Ltd in Glasgow, Scotland, United Kingdom. He wanted me to signed as his companion for receiving for him a 5% percent of that payment for security reasons- he said. I was fooled in that moment (another red flag), because i didn’t investigate about that company (i did it later), and a companion couldn’t receive that huge amount of money (about thousands of dollars, millions) at the moment i was more in love of him and he made a promise of a future together, even he told me about “his daughter” was agreed to let his father get married with me. I accepted to be his companion. But he said he will let know when payment was ready.
The last two weeks of this nightmare, i was very nervous and at the same time i thought i was living a dream, with the love of my life, He was so wonderful to me, i had felt loved, desired, protected for “my norwegian prince”. I sent to him videos talking to him, singing to him, i wrote love letters, dedicating songs, i showed him what i wanted to cook for him, even intimacy (by phone call, and i feek ashamed of myself for that) etc. I did everything what a in love girlfriend does to maintain our relationship, sometimes he paid me attention, sometime he sent poetry and songs videos ans sometimes he “was falling asleep” and didn’t do nothing. But he never asked me for videocalls, i asked him to plan a date for meeting each other, coming to my hometown, asked him to show me the places in Scotland he was visiting in his free time and he avoid every time i asked for this (another red flag) and in this moment, i was starting to suspecting about him, i loved him too much but He was still a mystery for me in almost two month relationship.
Finally, 4 days ago i wrote this letter, he told me payment was ready and the company asked him to get my bank account information to deposit the payment. I finally saw the red flag, and by God’s help and my mom (she was suspecting at the beginning i was scamming) i asked to get his payment in his own account instead of mine. He started to say he couldn’t get all that money there for security reasons. I didn’t believe him, i told him excuses to gain time to research online and i found about Romance Scamming. I didn’t sleep that night, i was searching page by page looking for stolen pictures used by scammers, i almost gave up when i could catch up the pic of his, He had stolen pictures from a very important boxing promoter in Russia. I looked for this russian man IG account and i saw all the pictures this guy sent to me pretending to be another person. I have contacted to this russian man for warning him about scammers using their pictures for deceiving woman like me. Fortunately, he replied me and gave me adviced to verify information about someone i recently meet, and he will notice to online dating websites. To end this horror story, i faced him, i showed him the fake profiles and the real account i was stealing pictures to lie to me. I told him i notified to the russian guy and if he tried to damage me more his bussiness will be ruined. He was shocked about i accused him with this russian guy, he wanted to know how i could talked to him. Also, i searched online, every poem, every lovely word he wrote me was a “copy and paste”. I was living a ‘beautiful’ liar. I blocked him in every possible media to avoid him. I still feel scared about he can find me o try to blackmail me or use my pics or data for scamming someome else. I pray God protect me from these evil people. I have lost, but i believe i lost less than i would have lost if continue this fake romance. I know God will give us justice for all this suffer. And i know i will be able to love again, in a healthy way.
Thank you for your attention. Best regards.
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Thank you for creating forum. Being a victim of a scam is a lonely and desperate place.
This experience cost me almost everything, including my life, and it is very-very hard to find closure or healing. Maybe sharing my story would help.
It all started with a simple Thank you message from someone who seemed Florian, an recently discovered actor. Instantly, I did think it was a scam yet I replied. My initial reaction was to uncover this fraudster, report it to his management and help others.
Within a few weeks he was telling me how he was in trouble with his management and his bank account was locked as a result. I’d lie if I say I didn’t feel a great deal of sadness as I found myself caring for this person.
I blocked him, reported this to his team, provided all information, hoping if get a simple thank you for looking out for real Florian’s reputation. That never happened and I suppose that made me feel even sadder. I knew people with similar stories who got a response and a resolution from his management company. One girl even received a video where Florian himself thanked her for reporting and helping to stop his name being misused.
I was sad and I wanted to let my scammer know that I know he wasnt Florian and that I blocked him. Incidentally, the real Florian posted a sentence that same day we’ve chatted about just a couple days before.
My heart sunk and I thought my god maybe it is really him and how could I be so disloyal. But that didn’t even matter as I already knew I didn’t want to lose contact, let him walk out of my life, and I’ve already applied for the first credit card.
I was not asked to pay, I just knew about the problems and I was offering the money simply out of love. Naively I hoped I do this, his troubles will easy and we can meet. Right from the start I had this desire to face him so my doubts will ease. Little did I know that was the beginning of a year long journey where more money was needed.
Within 3 months I had 3 credits cards maxed out, 2 overdrafts and a loan with digits. And strangely the money I parted with wasnt so hard. I’d give, lovingly, of course I was going to step up to help.
I found myself for the first time in my life deeply caring, loving to measures i didn’t know I was capable of. I simply loved this person, I loved every message he sent. I was replying instantly, nothing mattered. He became my life. It was almost painful to carry all of this love inside me and not being to able give it to him in person.
I simply loved this human being through and through. The loving words, his beautiful soul, his gentleness, even his anger when I started to feel difficult. And I was difficult. I almost demanded he’ll let me know everything honestly and I wont find out things from his social media.
And ultimately, that was what drove me to a place where I had nothing but painful thoughts of ending my life. I fought against it hard, and I fought with him not to do this to me. I felt as I’ve lived my reality and did everything I was asked of, and I felt that reality crashed with every social media post that was in contrast with my reality.
Nearly a year passed this way, and I was beginning to feel very unwell, mentally exhausted, suffering from anxiety that was lasting days now. I faced the consequences of my debt too. I was hardly able to make payments, pay for my bills, at times even have the money to by food.
And I was ashamed, I was ashamed to tell him that. I still sent even the last of my money, I still went and got the steam card, with every purchase crying in my car, absolutely helpless.
I hid it all from everyone, and I think that was the most painful thing I had to face. To lie to my family, the family I loved very deeply. I stopped helping them so I can help my love. And all I wanted in return is pace of mind, not having to find out from Instagram where he was, what he was doing.
I simply felt so much hurt by the fact that I have sacrificed everything and in return I can not be trusted enough like a proper couple. I didn’t understand why would he let me face those things if he was saying he is Florian.
I was pleading constantly with him not to do it, as each post became a almost trauma to my already fragile and vulnerable mental state. Yet, I still tried to show my loyalty and despite these posts, I still wanted to trust and I still loved him very much.
And I felt guilty for being this way, not accepting him for who he is. By this time, if he wouldve told me he was a scammer I wouldve said that’s ok, because my love for him was unconditional.
It was almost as Florian did not even matter, if it was him or not, I simply loved. But my depression made me face so many negativity despite the love I became nasty and said things I felt were suffocating me.
Only because I was hoping for a little gesture of him to do something for me. I was begging him to be worth at least a phone call. With one single call my doubts wouldve disappeared and none of the bad things needed to happen.
And it never came. I had to make a choice of walking away and save me. And i survived. I rebuilt, i work 3 jobs to pay my debt and it is the single proud moment i am able to feel.
I protected my love, i fought for my love, i nearly died for this love.
Now i want to work on a new year, a new, better me. I want to be the person who can love and respect the person i love. After all I am worth a good, happy life. And I am worth a love that would love me just as much as I love.
90 thoughts on “Stories from Female victims”
Most of this people claiming to be military personels on dating sites are scammers. You find them on every dating sites , also on instagram. I was involved in a romance scam that I lost a lot of money to the tune $500,000 . I advice you to always insist to see your alleged lover before any financial commitment.
There is another Nigerian who is scamming using dating sites in China and Malaysia . I know one victim who lost about USD 320 to this scammer using a fake profile and the name of Gregory Tan or Raymond using a UK call forwarding number +44 7842 936156
I was friend by a guy called Ricky Ng. Claimed to be aviation engineer from Us gorgia. I run through google image apparently he also use insta account under different name John Wong. While i was friends with them, i actually secretly seatch what they did on fb, he apparently appear to inderstand Indonesian. So i suspect this was another scammer gag from asia. I able to talk to him on messenger and his english is not fluent like american born chonese he claimed to be.
The site they use on insta name john wong, i was able to mag him on whatsup, and the msg on whatsup seems to be answered by different person. Like a gang of people doing different type of task. One catching in front (insta), other replying msg. Many tome i caught they didnt understand what i am trying to say. Perhaps they were not from english speaking background.
I confronted them that they sound different each tome perhaps they different person. They blocked me immiditely.
I’m extremely impressed with your writing skills and
also with the structure for your weblog. Is that
this a paid theme or did you modify it your self? Either way keep up the nice high quality writing, it’s rare to peer a nice blog like this one today..
God cares for scammed women.
You maybe feeling so bad right now, it’s all understandable. But an experience like this that left you feeling totally vulnerable and bruised is a good place from which to start again with Your Maker. Just go to Him, stop beating yourself, He’ll take it from here. I am a recovered survivor so I know. Forgive your scam love and yourself too, see the bigger picture, both of you are on different assignments. The scam experience is not final. Take it as a chance to let God bring His best in You. Stop blaming yourself. You have a deeper need that the scammer easily connected with. Let God embrace you with His unconditional love.
I read all posted stories and comments and thank God and Jan on this site!
Met my scammer on LinkedIn in February, construction engineer from USA, now in Russia, personal contract. He’s a widow, one son. Texting on WhatsApp. Strange accent…
He wanted to meet in person on his way back home after finishing his job (I’m from Europe) so he sent a package with luggage and funds via courier service. Of course, extra payments needed, first for insurance, after that for custom seizure.. Courier service is fake.
Lack of funds, breaching contract, undelivered package…excuses for money extortion and not coming to meet.
Though I refused to pay for the package, he’s still texting me, less than before and without bothering me with his problems. Guess, keeping me in the game just in case…
I shared informations on ScamWarners.com hoping it will help potential victims with red flags when make checkings on the web.
Still not ready to talk about this with my loved ones, healing myself on my own… But thanks to Jan and all of shared stories I’m not feeling lonely and have a hope that I will end up stronger, keeping my faith and love for good people!
Sorry for my English, it’s not my native language….
I’m praying to God for all of you!!!!
Did you receive messages from people from rich countries asking them to send them some cashless ones?
One of my friends said: “I don’t understand why these soldiers who live in the USA constantly ask for money, do not Americans have money?” Then I really thought it was strange, because I didn’t know anything about fraud on the Internet. https://datingscammer.info/en/scammers/scammers-may-be-represented-by-residents-of-these-countries-3405.html
I met this guy online “Ben Lucas”. And so blindly I fell in love with him over a while and I never knew he was a scammer. He lied that he was an engineeer working outside the country and he promised to send me a parcel with alot of his cash and valueables in it by a fellow scam ipost courier agent (“Tracy Lewis” email: [email protected] and [email protected]). He also promised to come back home and be with me a we’d live our lives together but I ended up sending over $200,000 to him and he’s fake courier agents. I found out this was all a scam when I hired a personal investigator to check him out and also confirmed the identity of the criminal Ipost personal (Tracy lewis) on the ipost website (https://www.ipostparcels.com). I was destroyed by this bastard, now I am bankrupt. I kept paying and never got the damn package.
Scammers are everywhere, so we really need to be careful especially in dating sites. I had this bad experience, we’ve met each other 4 times and i really thought she was the one for me because I already proposed to her but after a couple of months i found out that she’s been talking with some other boys online using a different name in some dating sites. Tinder, Asian dating. I found out also that she even made love with a foreign guy twice as her age just because of the money. I was so fucked up that time and I don’t know what to do, If I only knew, i should have made research about the Signs that she is a scammer just like what other people are doing. I was blinded with love and didn’t care whenever she asked some money from me. So we better have to be careful especially those person we encountered online. [Note to readers: this poster is touting for business. JM]
Hello.My English may not be so good I am a Hungarian woman and one of my friends got scammed by a person called himself general James Lerma and got emails from this phone number +13204212925 and they where saying that are from Global Express Courier and asking for 12.000 euros for some box that general Lerma was sending to her.
My heart goes out to you all who have been so hurt by this activity. I thought I was totally scam proof having been a criminal public prosecutor for 25 years . But although I didn’t lose anything -thank goodness!! the sophistication of the scam nearly caught me out. Sweet talking and lots of lovely photos etc for 2 months by an Italian architect/ interior designer stuck in Madrid on hotel renovation project – then her asked me to transfer HIS money to another account in the US to buy art for a gallery opening in Milan. Sounds all glamorous doesn’t it??! He never directly asked me for cash but a clear shot to get me to money launder. I said no- twice!
I am hurt and still miss the closeness that developed between us but I don’t beat myself up and neither should you lovely ladies as the sheer creativity and complexity of some of these scams can make them very hard to spot even for someone like me! I am very cynical now and start from the premise they are all scammers until proven otherwise!
I have a story to tell. It is similar to the ones I had read in my this with the exception that I am still in contact with the scammer. I’ll write my story and share with all of you later.
It’s not unusual to still be in contact with the scammer, but I have to add a warning here. I know it fills an empty place inside to be talking regularly with someone. What must be kept in mind is that their motivation is not to similarly fill that empty hole, but it is solely a business strategy to build a relationship so they can get you to part with your money. so be very careful.. Jan
Be really careful love I’ve been scammed I never thought I would but I did
They scammed me out if £10,000 promised myself and Son the world was suppose to come we’d just gone guess what?
He was full of loving caring comments never in my wildest dreams did I think it could happen to me
Well it did I am hurt ,angry and very disappointed in myself
This is really sad. Scammers are everywhere especially in dating sites. So i think before getting involved with any body online, we really need to do some background check and loyalty test so that we really know who we are dealing with. Being scammed isn’t a joke especially if there is a money involved, it’s the worst nightmare for sure. So i really suggest let’s do some loyalty test before having a relationship with anybody who we met online. We really have to be careful especially nowadays that the internet is booming and online dating is a trend.
How do file a police report for scam? Can anyone let me know how to do it?
You can go into your local police station to file a report. Take any documents you have as evidence. If you are Australian, also report it to ACORN, (search on the web), or just do a web search for how to report scams to find how to report scams in your country. Unfortunately, police may not seem to do much…
Yes love contact Fraud action that’s who I contacted they have been brilliant .They sent out a detective and support for me as you can imagine I am devastated
They will need all the information you have ie_Email address any communication you have in the scammer
I am currently reading your book, Jan. I wouldn’t have ever thought I would be reading a book on this subject. I am not yet ready to tell my story, but I will eventually to help the healing. Your words are chillingly like my experience, even down to his use of some of the same expressions.
Your book has profoundly impacted me. I thank you for your display of courage and resilience. Five months of therapy has not given me near what you have given me.
Thanks Connie, it is gratifying that the book is proving useful to you in moving through the next stage of your recovery process. Take care and be gentle with yourself.
Keep up the excellent work xxxxx
Wow, my heart goes out to all of you, I pray that God heal your broken hearts, and that he protect you in the future from such sickly uncaring soul. I just got myself in a similar situation only praise to God there was no money involved. But here is the thing I don’t due dating sights, I don’t answer man request that I don’t know personally. But one day the man named Danny Marco sent me an invitation through my Fitbit and so I though it was someone who was interested in running or working out. After a few days he send me a message to go to the hangout app, because there we could talk better so I did. The first time in that app he talked about his job that he was an independent worker for Marathon Oil Company in the Gulf of Mexico. The first texts was about how he was so in love with me by just seeing my profile picture, and that he wanted to find a wife and I was it. I was aware of all that he was saying was not real, but here is the thing the are smooth with their words. The beautiful poetry that just melts your hear. The romance that only in the movies can be found, then you being lonely and vulnerable is where the get you. He was blowing up my phone, I couldn’t get any thing done, so I talked to him for 6 hours. He was melting my heart with such beautiful word. You see I’m a widow my husband died a year ago, so my heart was melting with all that sweet stuff that he was saying. So I asked him some hard questions and he took to long to answer, the answers did not set right with me, because he was saying things like don’t let your friends discourage you from us, don’t let people talk you down we have a wonder thing going on here and so on. Please if you have a friend or a love one telling you to be careful and that they believe its a scam PLEASE listen to them, they are not in the middle of the web and the can think better than us. I blocked him from everything including my fitbit and deleted my hang out app.. May God bless you all and keep you safe.
I am so happy to find this site to see that others have been subjected to a romance scam just like me. I think it will be good therapy for me to tell my story and get it out there. I am a divorced female in my early 60’s. Live in Houston, Tx.
I do not do Facebook and have never been on a dating site either. But I am a professional, so am on LinkedIn. Out of the blue, one day, a nice man contacted me, via email, stating that he had run across my profile while searching for someone else, thought I had an interesting profile, and politely asked if we might get to know each other via friendly correspondence. My profile does list my email address, so that was not a flag for me. I was having a really stressful day at work, so this was a bit of a sidetrack from the stress, so I thought what the heck, and replied.
So began a world win on-line romance. He says his name is Jim Beckmann, is an Independent Wine Merchant, living in California, a widower of 5 years, no children, in mid 50’s. The pictures he sent were of the most handsome Italian man I have ever seen in pictures. From email exchanges, we seemed to have enough common interests that sparked my interest. He was charming, intriguing, and romantic. He sent me many romantic music videos. We talked on the phone as well as emails and texts. He completely knocked me off my feet and I feel hard for him in no time. He said all the right things I needed to hear, but had not heard in a long time. I had not been in a relationship in well over 10 yrs. How could I possibly fall in love with someone before I actually met them face to face is what I kept asking myself, but I did fall in love with him. He was able to reel me in like a big fish. And it moved very fast.
Within a week we were expressing our love for each other, and talking about meeting. It was very exciting and he made me feel young, and special, and oh so happy. He also started talking about his business more. He had been working on a huge Wine Contract for months, with a client in South Africa. The deal finally came through and he left for South Africa that following week-end to finalize the deal. The wine was shipped from Italy to South Africa, so he had to stay there to accept the shipment and get the wine to the client’s warehouse. It was all very exciting to me. And, we continued to email and talk the entire time. All the while, I was falling more and more in love with him. Oh, I forgot to mention, he told me the Wine Contract was worth “50 million dollars”. He kept saying we would have a beautiful life together after this deal, made plans for him to fly to Houston as soon as he got paid. We even planned where we would go on our honeymoon. Yep, it went very fast. Then, on Day 18 of our romance, I got hit directly in the face with the most devastating surprise of my life. He texted me and said it was urgent and needed to talk to me. When he called, he sounded truly upset and sincere when he explained to me that his wine is stuck at customs and they will not release it until he pays them $300,000. He only has $200,000, so could I please send him the other $100,000 so he could get the wine, deliver it to his client, and he could get paid his 50 million dollars. And of course, he would pay me back as soon as he got paid for “the wine contract”.
I was totally blindsided since I never thought for a second that everything he had said to me was all part of a scam. After I caught my breathe, I finally told him I did not have that kind of money to give to him. In the end, he called or emailed me over the course of the next few days asking for the money, saying that if I truly loved him, I would help him, even if I had to get a loan on my home. Fortunately for me, I kept my wits and did not give in to sending him any money. Even though he still swears he has been honest and truthful with me, and it was not a scam.
After reading about all the stories on this site, I feel very fortunate that I did not give into him. However, I am still a wreck emotionally. I felt that I was in love with him and wanted to be with him the rest of my life. I still have the urge to call him to make sure he is O.K. I know, that is sick. I guess I am still a victim too……
If it makes you feel any better, I just received an email yesterday from the very same Jim Beckmann, and your post has helped to save me from a possibly similar fate. Wine Merchant, contacted me via LinkedIn, etc etc. I noticed a few indiscrepancies with the email address so have been scouring the internet for information and am so grateful to find your post! If you had any doubts in your mind as to whether this was actually a scam, well it is, and he’s still on the prowl. All the best and I hope you find the real love that you truly deserve. In the meantime, stay suspicious of all online characters (sad truth).
I am glad that my post kept another person from getting hurt the way I did. I am just curious, did he ever send you any pictures? I just wonder if he is still using the same pictures he used with me. A gorgeous Italian man with a bit of salt & pepper mustache and beard. And than you for letting me know that he is still on the prowl.
Oh my word! I got an email today, 20 Feb, from Jim Beckmann. Also the whole story how I caught his attention while searching for an acquaintance on LinkedIn and would like to get to know each other more etc. Unbelievable!
I am so Greatful to have found this website. It is just sad, and I am so sorry, that this person had to break your heart like this.
At first I thought it hilarious that he thinks I am pretty, and I have to admit it is very flattering to read this. But, something was bugging me from the start, and this got worse during the day. And more and more things did not make sense. First, he said we are connected on LinkedIn….not the case. Also, there is a spelling error in his surname for the name appearing in the email, and a few other things…..fortunately I am a very sceptical person. Also, cannot find anything on Google about him and his wine & spirits business.
Thank you again for this website!
Thank you too, for letting me know about your encounter with the infamous Mr. Beckmann. Now I know it was definitely a scam.
Hi Pat A. I am afraid that I have been scammed as well. My story is very much like yours, but my romance has been going on much longer. I would be very interested to get in touch with you to compare notes. Please look for my name at Linked In. Regards, Ingrid Hastad, living in Stockholm Sweden
My friend is being scammed. She has fallen head over heals in love with a man who wants to marry her. He paid over one of her credit cards/ now that account is supposedly closed. They’ve been communicating for around 6 months now. She thinks they are going to get married as soon as her divorce is final. Just recently he said he was sending her a huge amount of cash from Dubai, where he was working, but hadn’t been pain. It was a cash parcel because that is how they were paid. He is a widower from UK, has a son in boarding school and is an engineer on a ship in ?? She has no idea where he is due to security. She is supposed to pick him up at LAX along with his son, after the cash is delivered by a diplomat. She has been receiving emails from the diplomat and the cash is supposed to be delivered on Thursday. Supposedly, his lawyer has paid the $7000 delivery fee so all should go as planned and they can buy a house and be married in the near future. As hard as I try to convince her that this is a scam, she is still texting him and accepting all the emails from the so called diplomat. I know, she wants to believe the man in the picture is the man she’s in love with and doesn’t want to believe otherwise until she meets him,
My story is exactly like your friend’s !! He said he was from Australia, had a son in boarding school, was a widower, was sending me a “box” full of cash !! Sebastian Howard was his name
I’ve had some really colorful people try to scam me. the first one said he was a “General” in the Navy. Ha! He must really believe women are stupid. I decided to play with him a bit. I asked him when he went to the War College in Jacksonville, Fl. He said a long time ago. I asked him how he like Jacksonville and did he get a chance to enjoy the mountains. He said that he was originally from an area that had no mountains so he loved them. By this time I was about ready to wet my pants I was laughing so hard. First, the War College is in Montgomery, Alabama. Jacksonville, Florida has NO mountains-they have beaches. And the best…..you cannot be a General in the Navy. You are an Admiral. I finally told him, look goof. If you want to scaam someone atleast get your info correct. I happen to be the wife of a Naval Aviator so I do know a bit about how the military works.
The second guy sends me a message saying that I am the most elegant, beautiful woman he has ever seen and he wants to have a relationship with me. I’m not a dog, but who starts a conversation llike that? I was too tired to play around with him but the next one will get my full attention.
We do constantly get the phone calls supoosedly from the IRS saying we will be arrested at once if wwe do not comply with them. We have a very good CPA do our taxes so we know exactly what we owe and it’s paid correctly by our CPA at once. I just tell them to come get me.
Ladies, when you’re contacted by one of these people. Ask questions about the area they’re from, about their so called jobs, etc. Watch the terminology. Do they speak like the area they are supposed to be from. The first guy that contacted, I knew at once that English was not his first language. If you’re using a computer, check facts on your phone while talking to them. Do anything you can to trip them up.
Ona positive note though. My sister did meet a man on the internet that did turn out to be a millionaire. He actually is the CEO of an International Company and makes a million a year. They married about 3 years ago and he has given her the most wonderful life. She was married before to such a jerk. I’m really so happy for her. So, it does happen, just take the time to fact check and don’t let yourselves get so involved that you blindly send money. Men should always offer to help you, not the other way around. Good luck!
My story is not all that unlike others. I am a male I was scammed by a woman posing to be an army sergeant to come home soon. She sent pictures of her young beautiful self and yes I am a 61-year-old typical mail. I have been to a recent break up or is recovering from that 15 year relationship . “Vonora bowl and never that lucky and love all my life. Already been treated for depression taking meds and going to group therapy weekly. But successfully employed for over 20 years, homeowner wear some savings and retirement and everything I own paid for. So when this luscious sweet talking affectionate woman proposes to me I guess I went into some sort of zone. Hi center a care package just cause I Liked her & she didn’t even ask for it. After that she told me she had an inheritance or $6 million in gold and diamond put away in the security company called VAS 24 and she had spent all her money hanging onto it making payments to the security company and needed help getting it shipped to the states for when she joined me and our happy future. She presented a certificate that looked official to me and I looked up the company online and they did exist. The golden Domands would be need transferred to my name so i wired $1250 to have it put into my in joint name. I am presented with a certificate of joint ownership of $6 million in gold and diamond.
It is going to cost $27,000 to have these goods ship it to my front doorstep. So fool heartedly I go to the bank make a lien against my truck and boat for $27,000 and wire her the money. I receive notice that the gold & diamond are on the way. About a week later I get a notice that customs has held shipping up in New York in for Clarence taxes, feed & now she say now I need 111,000 for The shipment to really make it to my front door. I am beside myself and she acts as if she is to although still declaring her deep love and blah blah blah for me. She says she will talk to her army commander and ask him if he can help. Her and Army commanders plan after talking to a banker friend is having me run around buying iPhones and Mac Pro book charging them to credit cards 5 of which after I gave over my identity this Commanders friend created. I am to ship them overseas for sales with the proceeds going back on credit cards to wire money to get this shipment to me so my love and money then come home . Well my last wire went out Nov. 9th , I realized I was scammed. 150,000 in debt. Most of which is credit card. So far in two weeks since I woke up from this zone this is what I have done;
Filed reports with
Local law enforcement
Joined a legal support membership
Got an appointment w/attorney
Cut off/blocked contact w/scammers
I cry everyday. Feel I can’t tell my family as they will add to the shame. Some days it is very hard to focus. The recommendation I’m getting is to declare bankruptcy. I live in Texas and from what I can tell unless the credit cards companies come at me real real hard I can keep my homesteader home , most of my things but will have to make a 682.00$ monthly for lien at bank. No credit for 10 years. And if I get real lucky the credit card debit would be released. Not sure on any of this but from reading and talking to people this is what I gather. It would be very difficult. Especially since on my job my income is about 40,000 yearly and I’m hanging by a thread for running my mouth. I’ve been written up several times and given a final warning if I am rude, aggressive or insulting one more time I’m fired. So I go to my group therapy weekly, take my meds, attend church weekly. Pray and write letters to God. I try to hope for some sort of do able future without so much suffering and isolation. Hope is not easy to have in the midst of this. But I know NO MONEY TO STRANGERS. Most days I go around with a big knot in my stomach until I can cry it all out. Then I feel better for a while until the fear, anger and shame return. This cycle repeats and I’m told it’s part of my healing. I’m anxious about seeing this attorney next week and hope his solutions are workable. If your a praying person reading this , I ask that you stop for 30 seconds and ask God to send me relief and help for as long as I need it to get through this horrible ordeal.
I believe my roommate is being scammed. He contacted her on either Facebook or POF. It’s been one month and there are red flags. He is in Dubai as an engineer. He flew there after sweeping her off her feet in less than 10 days. They talk on the phone all hours. He sends live pictures to prove he is real but Skype wouldn’t work. She sent sexy pics and he sent flowery poetry. She has fallen in love. He then of course had his emergency and asked her for $5000. She could have come up with it in time but he needed it then. He yelled and berrated her horribly. Then he threatened to blackmail her to her son as well as on Facebook. She was heart broken. Not angry just so hurt. They broke up but he is contacting her again. Apologizing for everything and again proclaiming his love. I made a copy of this site and I plan to show it to her.
Hi Cristin, yes a familiar story. Please show her my site and my book. All the details of what happened to me are there… let me know how it goes.
To “Story 11”
Your story is similar to mine.
Every second of every minute of every hour of every day, I wonder how was it possible? I am educated and so on, but I have been scammed for over 200 000$canadian.
I bump my head on the walls every day.
It’s a nightmare…. but daily.
I was a victim too..lost almost all my saving but tried hard to keep my sanity and move on…He still message me and still want to continue the’relationship’.Nowadays i just told him off bluntly that i know the truth and he is just an evil scammer. He kept saying he is a good person and love me bla bla..and i replied i am broke and its because of you..
Online love is existed but don’t give your money away..
I’ve been talking to my man for almost 9 months now. we got together back in January this year through dating site but because I’m younger than him 10 yrs and African whilst he’s a brit he thought I was a Nigerian scammer. he kept asking me to send him pics of me pointing 3 fingers into the cam or doing Certain stuff. he’s even tricked me to send him a copy of my passport by saying “I’ll tell you some good news” while he was testing me to make sure if I was real as he confessed lately and that’s hurt me a little bit.
Anyway, now we’re planning to meet in December I’m so excited and can’t imagine my life without him I told him to live with me here but he want me to move on with him which is hard but I know we gonna agree on something eventually. Also my man offered me money And told me he’s willing to change his religion for me so we can get married which made me cry and think what If I wasn’t who i am or if those scammers came on my mans way instead of me, I’m sure he’d treat them the same. That’s how truthful and genuine he is.
What I want to say is ppl as humans need to be loved and taken care of and this’s not a wrong way to feel. the wrong thing is when ppl test their online lovers for the first weeks and then think it’s ok to fall for them and give them whatever you have after that period. If the person asks you for many that means they either a scammer or a beggar and you don’t need neither of them.
But believe it or not after saying all that, if my man asks me rn to send him money, I’ll send that amount to keep him with me that’s why Victims send money. they aren’t fools nor idiots they just want to keep their sweethearts or get them out of trouble and that’s what needs to be changed. So please Love whoever you want but don’t give them money or take it from them until you both under the same ceiling.
why must you tag Nigeria, early this year Cambodian police arrested 119 Chinese suspected of extorting money from people in China via a telecommunications scam, police in Phnom Penh say.
Read the full story: http://www.news.com.au/world/breaking-news/chinese-arrested-in-cambodia-over-scam/news-story/6859f85634a414011367b850d5902743
This has been SUCH an enlightening blog! I just ended my “relationship” with my scammer yesterday (9/19/18), reported him on Match.com where we met and on the FTC complaint page. I had no idea the “Independent Engineer working overseas” story was so common! This guy was good, knew all the jargon and terminology, had a website (until recently), tragic family story and all of that. Fortunately I did not send him any money, but the request was the reason I ended things so abruptly. I was suspicious when he declared his undying love for me after only 2 weeks, but decided to let it go and see how things developed. Alarm bells really started ringing when EVERYTHING started getting delayed; the check clearing for the work he was doing, flying home and finally getting the bank documents “notarized” so he could process the money transfers. (Sigh) The first time he mentioned being short on the money “for the notary”, I said nothing because it sounded like he was taking care of it. Then it clearly became more of a problem the next time he brought it up, but I still didn’t offer to assist. The third time he was actually whining about it and saying he didn’t know what to do, he almost pawned his watch and was thinking of going to a casino! I’m like, What?! Dude, you’re unraveling. Then he finally says, “Maybe you could sent it [the money]?” Yeah, no. Nope! Done.
Met a guy from FB, declaring unconditional love after 2 weeks talking (red flag 1). He claimed he has a son living with his parents in Taiwan, he is working alone in a the lottery department of HK government. But strangely he never talked much about his son which is not understandable for me as I have my own son and I know the parents’ feeling when departed with their children (red flag 2). After 3 months, suddenly he was excited to show me the secret contract from his employer. The contract must be signed by an overseas residence who is not working for this company. The person signed this contract can win half of the lottery money (under-table deal). I pointed out immediately that he is the scammer and that is his real purpose. He then disappeared from FB. But the next day, another scammer with similar profile put malicious comments on my FB post of my son. I blocked and reported both of them and disabled my FB account immediately. Luckily I didn’t lower my cautious level all the time.
I found most of the scammers are either working in military or working as an independent engineer for projects. Raising your alarm if you meet someone like that.
Recently I met another guy online who is also too good to be true and too quick to get connected. But he did share the location of his place, he sent me his passport, we have video calls nearly everyday, but we haven’t met yet. So far we only knew each other for 2 weeks. Today, he is signing a contract in Philippine. But suddenly he asked me a favor that he wanted to give me his bank account details and password so that I can help him transferring his money to philippine for his contract, because he said his bank IP was blocked in Philippine. Probably it will only work from Australia. I am not sure if it’s some sort of scam so I rejected it. Could that be some sort of scam or simply a trust to me? Though he will provide his own bank account details, not asking mine.
Hi Noyellowrose, as you have already thought, this is most likely a scam too. A passport can be photoshopped and faked. why would he give you his bank account details? He is expecting to get you to move money to him, and will make out he is giving you money, but his money never arrives and you are left out of pocket. IT IS A SCAM! Be very careful.
I am one of them too, I was fleeced completely yet I miss him. I want to believe he/ she truly connected with me. I am an amazing soul that truly loves only gets manipulated and abused. Strange but maybe one day I will fall in love with another survivor and we shall heal each other. Pardon me for the idea, I just want to wipe your tears as you wipe mine. We are not stupid, we are people who loved till it pained.
Please stop that, stop talking to him.
Your life could be ruined… Soon.
Sophie from Canada
Hi Sophie, I have almost the same story. Can you reply or contact me ?
Hi Diana, I highly warn against contact with other victims via this site, as I cannot guarantee its not a scammer asking for a personal contact. Please do not request contact.
How can these scammers be apprehended. ..
I have been scared. I have been crushed.
I met this man ¨George¨ from U.S on Tinder 02/06/2018.
We started texting and then talking over the phone. He sent me a lot of pictures and videos. Its obvious that the man on the photos and the videos is from U.S. The man I talked to also had a American accent.
I did the reverse picture search on google when we started texting.
I did the check up on the phone and it was registered in Newark, New Jersey where he said he lived.
He had stories about his life, his friends life, about his dog Milo (Mirlo). About his background. His family.
He had a really good excuse why we couldn’t use FaceTime or Skype because his dog broke his phone and he had to use his old iPhone 4.
It did made sense to me because I know how a Jack Russell can be and they do destroy things. And my mom hade a iPhone4 and she couldn´t either FaceTime or Skype. It all made sense to me.
Then he had to work in U.K and the plan was that he will come to visit me in Sweden after that. But now the problems started. He didn’t ask me about money at the first time: I told him that I could help him.
That is who I am: I always help the people I care about and love.
Every time he was supposed to finish the work something happened and he needed more money.
I felt like I was a hostige. ALL i wanted was to meet him! I couldn’t let money be in our way. I understand now it is manipulation. They use my (our) desire and love against us.
I lost all of my savings. I even took a loan that I now have to pay back.
I can’t stop thinking about the man on the pictures because I fell in love with HIS eyes.
I have done the reverse picture search on all of the pictures. But I can’t found anything.
Who is he?
What is his name?
Where does he live?
I know it is a dead end but I can’t stop searching for this man. Because the man on the pictures does exist. HE hasn’t done anything to me. Maybe he has been scammed too?
No one understand me. My family and friends understand that I have been hurt. But they can’t understand my ¨obsession¨ about the man on the pictures.
The man on the pictures is the only thing that is real in this story. He does have a dog. He loves NY Giants. And he does go to the gym.
I KNOW that we never will meet and it kills me…
I KNOW that he doesn’t know anything about me and it kills me…
I KNOW how crazy it´s sounds but I have to be honest because it´s the only way…
Because I want to be free again. I want to live my life like I did before I met this ¨man¨.
I am a strong, beautiful and intelligent women with a big heart. I have no problems finding men but all I want is to found that true love and that is why I have been scammed. I believe in love.
I believe in love also.
Don’t feel alone because I happen to be in the same situation. This year, I thought I found a woman online and what ended up happening is that I lost almost 100,000 in American dollars and I not only had to take out four loans and against my 401k, but this person claimed to be a Marine and had even better excuses for me to fall the trap. The true person whose photo was used is now married, and there are times I worry how it will affect my job.
We will get through this together.
Oh honey I completely understand. It has been 5 yrs of my scammer “relationship”. I sent all my $ during first 2 yrs…business opportunities, accidents, hospitalizations, malaria treatment…hunger. I don’t send $ anymore, we still talk and Skype. I can’t shake free. And he won’t let go. There is a hold that controls me.
Hi , can relate so
well to what you have shared. What is it that keeps us so encaptured
by these cruel., insensitive men , who blatantly beguile and decieve for personal gain. They are an addiction that is really hard to break free from even knowing that they are fraudulent. It’s very sad.
This site has been an enormous help. I am still in the middle of a huge scam and I know the person I am desperately in love with and who has offered me a new life in USA is not real. His photos are stolen. I knew as soon as he rang me that he was a black man. He is an engineer yet he can’t put a sentence together. I say things to test him and I get no response. He is definately not American. When he’s stuck for words he says Yes my love. The problem is I am in love with the totally gorgeous man in the photos, I know this is a scam but I can’t block him just in case I’m wrong about him. He’s had all my money. I suffer from confirmation bias. If I finish this, I will alway wonder if I threw away the opportunity of a lifetime of a new life with my new love. It’s driving me insane. Please someone tell me what to do.
rule number one: trust your intuition. You already know it is a scam. Your heart has been manipulated by skilled and deliberate fraudsters who lie and act as your lover so they can part you from your money, without compunction.
This is not the opportunity of a lifetime, it’s a fantasy, a made-up dream to entice you into love so they have control of you. The dream is not real. It will be much harder to recover the longer you believe the false dream they have enticed you with.
Rule number two: The best action is to break all contact and block all ways the scammer or any of his friends/associates can contact you. Change any passwords you have and copy any messages or emails onto a separate drive such as a USB stick. Otherwise, they may go missing. You may want these later to take to the police.
Rule number three: Beware of them continuing to contact you, or of others trying to scam you (called secondary scams). They may be saying they can catch the scammer or get your money back. it is just another way of sucking you in.
Rule number four: Share your experience with trusted others so learnings are shared.
I know I have been very blunt here Roberta. Sorry you have also been caught like this. I understand the confusion, and the longing for the heart connection that drives the wishing the dream would/could come true. This time it can’t!
Please stop contacting him. Giving up all the imaginations of the scammer. He is a skilled expert who knows to do scam successfully.
Cut him off. He is using you for money. He does not care about your feelings. Take care and put yourself first!
Roberta I am in situation similar to yours. He is also an “engineer” working independently and I know his pictures are stolen. When I learned about it and confronted him, he claimed to be a victim too. The pictures are his and others are using them. I had noticed inconsistencies since we began texting in FitBit but he had an answer for everything. He has said a few times that I am crazy and his favorite phrase when he calls is “what is wrong with you”. He has gotten about $23,000 little by little and is still asking for $2,000 so he gets “to come home”. Home he means the town I live at (and I have confirmed it asking- where is home?). His son, who is 9 supposedly lives with “the nanny” in Florida. I wonder why he calls home my town since it is far from Florida. I also wonder and has asked, why he go see his son first since he has not seen him for longer than a year. He is Danish, from Copenhagen. I have supposedly received and email from the “FBI” that is I investigating the stealing of his identity and pictures. I have received 3 emails from the “nanny” asking if I knew how he was doing and pleading that I give him another chance. The FBI agent and the nanny have the same writing style that he has. So I am pretty sure that he is the ones sending the emails. I pointed that the FBI is federal and that he has used state on the email and the answe is was, “well that is the email address he gave me”. He has an accent but I am pretty sure is not Danish. I commented that he sounded African he once and he replied, “I don’t know what are talking about”. He calls me “queen baby” which I found ridiculous and send tacky love songs from YouTube. Knowing all that, I am still cannot get rid of him. I miss him when we don’t talk and I end up unlocking him.
I am a smart woman, educated, have friends and I have been in a relationship for years. I guess, I feel emotionally lonely and I a dreamer. My boyfriend/partner doesn’t know about this, nor do my friends. I am too embarrassed to tell. I never planned seriously to leave my current relationship unless the scammer showed up and proved he was for real.
We are still talking/texting but not as often.
Could you believe that sometimes I avoid looking at his texts because I am afraid that he puts pressure on me to send him money? This morning I felt guilty when I decided to go to brunch with a friend while he (the scammer) waits for me to send him money so he can “come home to me”Imagine the power he has over me and how manipulative he is.
I want to write my whole story but it is long and English is not my first language.
Hi Bonnie, I have to add a comment here. What you are describing is definitely a scam. It is another tactic of scammers to say they are the victim who has had their photos stolen. This is a LIE! I encourage you to break contact with this person, as he will eventually ask you for money again. Scammers will keep contact with you as long as this is a possibility and as long as you have a ‘relationship’ you are vulnerable. Take care. Jan
I experienced the same..An “enginer” And army seems to be best choice of their work..
I met a guy from professional site linkedin and ended up losing about $6,000 that I owned from the owner of company where I work.. I hope there’s any group or something for all the victim, so we can support each other.
I’m so devastated to have lost my appartment, my car and my savings,…
Honestly, I dont know how I can go forward.
That scammer just took all my life and my heart.
Never again I will go online.
And, to me, God has nothing to do with all those scammers.
Hi. I am so sorry it happened to you. I am a victim to from scammer and lost $71.000 from all my lifetime saving. We all make mistake and learn from it. I am trying to surviving from my big financial loss but I ‘m trying hard to forget it. And I am moving on forward . We lost lots of money from bad guys but we must move on without trap from past. I wish we can get our money back but it’s gone. what we can do? I only thankful that we still here and alive. I will never do any online dating ever again. God bless your heart, we are not stupid we just nice people. Don’t think negative about your self. You are a most nice and brave person.
Hello “Story 11”
I am so sorry for you.
What a story. I understand that those scammers are quite sophisticated… and real sociopaths.
But you are not alone: I have been scammed big time too.
It makes us 2 stupid and naive folks.
Evil is here on earth; now I know that for sure.
S. (in Canada)
Everybody must learn to accept the basics of a Scammer and how they work —–They almost all use a professional trade/ example– Engineer to make them look good.
They all find you the Vulnerable from Social Media sites–example Facebook, in particular, Zuckerberg is currently addressing more security levels—learn to not just accept everyone just because they ask for your friendship I know it makes us feel important but stick with a smaller group of people nobody needs 500 friends I have only business contacts on mine and do not accept any more regardless of requests.
Never/Ever send money to anyone because their stories are all fabricated to make you believe that you are wanted by someone none of us can see a person through a computer and any pictures they have will be a false profile Zuckerberg needs to check for genuine profiles before allowing any person to hit our social pages at the moment they come on to our pages first only then are they asked for ID and if they don’t produce it Facebook then blocks them.
If you have a Twitter page don’t accept anyone who has posted a small number of posts but had opened their account 4 years before I often get followers who have only opened their account say in Jan 2018 but I do not follow them and at best block them/always take note if they have a real photo of a person unless they are a business.
Never answer surveys if your phone rings immediately hang up this is an old trick to hold you on the line whilst trying to get into your Network if you have a computer so that when you open your computer you may find Malware or emails that have Malware this measure is used to see if you do Internet banking.
Now you may be wondering did I get scammed they tried unsuccessfully so many times over these last 10 years that I now recognize most of what they throw at me and have never lost a cent I kept a Scammer in the loop for 3 months around 3 years ago where I was able to lead him on full well knowing he was a Scammer boy did that make me laugh when I told him he immediately closed his Fake Facebook account.
Hope I have helped you all from the tactics I have learned.
To Reg, and Others
I’ve been scammed for over 200 000$. I found out last January (2018).
I’m a well educated woman and have been (still) working hard all my life.
Some people, like me, are very vulnerable.
In my case, I was recovering from cancer, alone since 2003 and this scammer got me right. Very smart, convincing and manipulative.
It was the first time in my life that I was on a dating site.
Now I’m really depressive and so negative about everything. I wont trust anyone in the future.
In addition, I cant talk about this (the money aspect) to no one, too ashamed.
I did report to all the authorities, including the FBI.
But it seems that no one really investigate. They dont care. As the police said: Madame, you gave your money, it’s not an extorsion…
According to all the IT Security and private investigators I talked to, it’s not possible to trace those scammers since they are using some devices to fake the area codes of their IP phones plus they are using gmail addresses.
The network of my “love” was so well organized, involving 3 countries: USA, Cyprus and Canada.
I know that I will never see my money back, but I cross my fingers to stop this insanity, somehow. I also think that there are a lot of those f… scammers networks. What a shame for humanity.
Thanks to you Jan:
I was blaming myself and beating myself non-stop, but with your explanations I know that I’m not a stupid and idiot blond.
I’m a victim…
I’m not on social networks, it’s just not for me, so I never knew about those “love scams” really.
I had red flags in my mind sometimes but …
I did not even know the word “scam”, so never search online…
So thanks again to Jan, and pardon me for my mistakes in English, my first language is French. I am French Canadian.
Hi, Sophie I’m on of those who thought never fall into Scans organization, but sadly I felt, I’m so ashamed of myself, i can’t sleep well, I have nightmares and the most painful thing is that I discover the real person ( obviously completely different for the one I knew) it’s very hard for me to separate the real one from the one I talked for three months. I fell in love with him and to be honest I can’t accept that the man who stole my heart and money doesn’t exist.
I have an MBA in HR Management and you need to be emphatic with the people who still suffer for this and no criticism and try to be the smartest and doesn’t respect the pain, ashamed and the capacity to trust no one.
If we can shared our stories the pain can handle more easiest. Hope in the future this was just a vaguely experienced that once we been through.
Take care of yourself.
I am currently trying to get rid of a scammer who claims to be in the Special Ops of the Australian Army, supposedly serving currently in Iraq. He wants after being shot in a raid to send me the spoils of the raid US$1000000 via a private freight contractor. Having had family work in customs in Australia, a red flag popped up in my head. I thought this ‘person’ loved me, but I know ‘he’ is only trying to use me. It will take me a while to be able to trust men again, but I know that I am stronger than he is.
Again please do not send this Scammer money and delete everything he has sent you Kathy all of the pictures Scammers use are of complete strangers often in uniforms–Army etc.
Thanks for the help !
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I still shake my head that people (including the owner of this blog) still get caught in romance scams after all the constant and continual media information about scammers.
How hard is it to verify that someone is real ? The answer is not very hard – unless you try to be too clever and do all your checking online where a false trail is easily laid – or are so gullible you don’t check at all.
Why do sane and intelligent middle-aged women (usually) suddenly let their guard down as soon as someone whispers sweet nothings to them in an email ? Doesn’t the very fact that the love of their life suddenly starts asking them for money ring huge warning bells ? Who does that if they are genuine ? It certainly would ring clanging bells for me. Never seen the alleged soulmate live in person ? Another warning bell.
I’m sorry to state the obvious but men scamming women with romance has been going on for a long time. Of course women have been getting what they want from men for considerably longer – using sex as their weapon of choice. If you are going to rely on computers to meet the love of your life then do physical checks to verify what they are telling you. Don’t let your emotions control your normal instincts.
High time people learnt not to be so trusting especially with their money.
Hi Reg, thank you for your comments. If you read my story you would find that I am one of the people who has been engaged in the constant and continual media about scammers that you talk about. I have been doing this since 2015 to warn others.
Yes, it is difficult to verify that the scammers are real. I know of one lady who engaged a PI firm, however her email to them was hacked by a scammer, who verified back to her that the details were correct. She lost a great deal of money. However people do need to learn some basic checking techniques such as reverse google image searching and how to support themselves to be not so trusting.
Yes, there are warning bells, however the requests for money do not come until after the scammer has established a love relationship with their victim, and engaged the neurotransmitter oxytocin. This has the effect of reducing anxiety, increasing willingness to take risks, increasing bonding, etc. Please read my recent blog on this for more information on this. Effectively, our reason, our ability to see the red flags, is disengaged. That’s why scams are so effective, because the manipulation takes us beyond our rational selves.
Thank you Jan for explaining this to Reg.
Reg you appear to be incredibly judgmental on this issue. If you have never been through this then maybe you should hold your thoughts as people who have been through this experience are sensitive and vulnerable. Expressing contempt is not helpful so refrain from expressing your judgmental attitude.
Well said. I could never understand how people could be so utterly gullible and hand over cash like that, until it happened to me. I will never forget the shame and embarrassment I feel at being duped and doubt I’ll ever trust again. My biggest crime was falling in love. How dare he be so judgemental without any real experience. That shows pure ignorance
Someone friend requested me on Facebook. We became close, said he was an Engineer in Nigeria but lived in Portland, Oregon. Wife died from cancer, had a 6 year old daughter, son died in a car accident. Seemed very sincere. Asked him to send me photos of his daughter, he did & she looks like him. Asked to send me a photo of himself with my name written on his hand, which he did. Sent more photos that weren’t on the profile of Facebook . Sent him some money, not a lot but still did. Everything I asked him for he did, so it’s confusing. Reversed his phone number , turned up as safe. Reverse checked his photo, nothing. But yet……..still sounds like a scam.
Hi Ursula, trust your instincts on this. It is a scam. Red flags include Engineer; not in home base; friend requested without knowing him; family structure (they will always have some tragedy); and mostly, asking for or needing money. To get you to pay money he has manipulated your emotions to the point where you overstep warnings about not paying money to someone you haven’t met in person.
Another red flag. My guess is you have not seen him in person, just photos. Nowadays you should be able to skype or some form of video connection. The fact that you cannot is another red flag. Everything he has provided you can definitely be faked. Yes, definitely a scammer.
You hear the word Nigeria you get rid of him pdq. I had a guy about 5 yrs ago. I was suspicious right away. His grammar was terrible. I played along. He said he lived near me, yet when I ask him where he went to college he said I went to university. Absolutely no one would say it that way. I had nothing he could get from me and I knew he was a fraud. Soon. He was headed to Africa on business. Then he had checks stolen and his passport too, would I send him money. I told him the. Travelers checks would be reimbursed and go to the embassy about his passport. I had no money. Lol
Hi Paulette, that’s fine if they use the word Nigeria or Africa, but many of them do not these days. They are getting more sophisticated, and more knowledgeable about things that might catch them out. You obviously have a good sense of what is not quite right, but many people do not.
Jane, I know the feelings you’re going through because I’ve been involved with a scammer too. The heartbreak is real, even though we know the person isn’t. I still find myself looking at his picture, even though I know it wasn’t really him. I miss our exchanges, miss him calling me “my love” and “honey”. I was so intoxicated by the romance and mystery that I left my judgement at the door and went full-force into the adventure of it all. I hope you are feeling better and stronger by now. I think it takes time
Thanks yes i was sucked in by a scammer they didn’t get any money out of me but my heart is broken and all my happiness and purpose of life is gone. I’m a successful normally happy 40 year old but all that has gone I know the picture in the photo was not who I was talking to but I can’t let go, it’s probably the worst 5hing that has ever happened to me I feel I can’t trust anyone again and I can’t even get out of bed again to work, I feel emotionally raped and because of pictures sent and words sent I feel sexually assuaged too.
I am trying to leave a scam situation. Your stories strengthen and help me. I don’t know why it’s so hard to get rid of poison from my life.
there is always a way to get your money back! only if it a fresh scam.
How do I get me money back, if my money and that scammer has a foreign passport in another country already? It happened to me in 2017 and lost $71,000. Police habeen investigated but they said I can’t get my money back.
Sorry, there is nothing to do to get your money back. More importantly, beware of anyone who is offering to do this for you because they are scammers and are just using this as another way to get money from you. Or to get your details so they can hack you. Be very wary.
me too..i am also getting scam..they took money from me..now they wanting more..i am suppose to block them..but i really want to see whats their next game..
I had been on MATCH for about 6 months when I met someone who in no time made me feel like the only woman in the world
so special that I knew in a month he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He worked in the military or at least
he made me believe he worked for the US army and that he was stationed in Africa. I wasn’t warned or anything. He was so smooth
and loving and naturally, I fell for him. In no time the money request started coming in and I kept on sending like a fool, By the time It
occured to me I had lost almost quarter of a million dollars to someone I never met. I was in distraught, depressed and almost took my
Dear Jane, I am in the same situation right now. I haven’t sent any money either. Just wanted to tell you I know how it feels. I hope you feel better now?
Get help as soon as posible make an appointment with a sicologist but a good one!! Someone that you can trust.
These people are criminals but they’re also profesionals
Read the previous stories
God bless you