New Perspectives

A new book, a new resource, a great article for you to read… essential new items for the scam aware….

A New Book.

I haven’t met Elina Juusola but I do know she is another dating scam survivor.  A colleague passed her details to me.  She is stepping up and telling the world about her experience, to educate others, and this is highly commendable.

Her book is called Love on the Line and is available here. The book blurb:

Romance scams are devoid of love and emotion. Many people get to experience them the hard way and end up being victims of scammers; they may carry their guilt for the rest of their lives.
In Love on the Line, Elina Juusola, ideas historian, committed feminist, and former researcher of pornography and violence against women, reflects on how romance scams relate to the ever-expanding world of pornography and the romance-book industry. Learn her story and know that anyone can be scammed.
Become educated about romance scams, and learn how to recover from the ordeal with innovative flair by transmuting your negative emotions into a positive experience.

She is also undertaking a book tour around Queensland initially, then other states. Check out details on her website.  

Another one speaking out.  Great!

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A new Resource

I was contacted this week by IDCARE, providing a support service to those impacted by stolen identities.  They are experiencing many contacts from those caught by romance scammers.  If you are concerned about whether your identity is secure, or how to protect yourself, give them a call.

IDCARE is Australia and New Zealand’s National Identity Support Service. We are an independent national service created by leading organisations from government and industry that care about people’s information and privacy. Our services are free to the community and our expertise lies in supporting individuals and organisations when identity information has been put at risk. Romance scams are one such area where identity information can be ‘groomed’ from the victim and used for malicious purposes.

Our services transcend the online, digital and physical environments. Our clients receive a tailored response plan that’s designed to respond to immediate concerns and mitigate future risks. Our trained Identity Security Counsellors are there to support you every step of the way throughout the journey from victim to survivor.

For more information about IDCARE please visit our website www.idcare.org or Call IDCARE’s national toll-free hotline:

1300 432 273 (AUS) 0800 201 415 ( NZ).

IDCare have offered to provide a blog for this site so look out for this in the future.

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A new article, from Psychology Today

I am often approached by people wanting to interview me.  One of the latest linked me to her article in Psychology Today on The Drama of Deception, by Abby Ellin, from 30 June 2015.

Though not predominantly about romance scams and more about the mechanisms and psychology of being duped, it is a good read. A couple of my favourite quotes:

Moreover, we don’t generally walk around imagining that others are taking us for a ride. “We are built, generally, to give others the benefit of the doubt,” says Becker.  “We are not normally in hypervigilant mode, because most of our life experience tells us that most people aren’t dupers.”

This shows why the exclamation “How could you be so stupid?” does not match the reality of how we live our lives…

And another quote:

Dupee Donna Andersen developed a Love Fraud Romantic Partner Survey and posted it online. Seventy-one percent of the 1,300-plus respondents said that early in their relationship they’d had a feeling that something wasn’t quite right—but they shrugged it off. When she asked if a third party had warned them to be wary, 90 percent said yes. But they barrelled ahead anyway.

I’ve constantly had scam victims echo this statement, and it is also my own experience.  In going online we chose to take an open stance and this make us vulnerable.  Only by doing this can relationships develop.  We don’t expect that it is a fraudster that will develop this relationship with us and then take advantage of it.  In my experience the intimacy developed with me was reason I was able to discount the known possibility that it could be a scam.  In my mind it could not be a scam because there could not be the level of intimacy I experienced with a scammer.  Their ability to develop the intimacy, even though a lie, is the key to their effectiveness.

I have also many times heard the phrase, “I’m not ready to let the relationship go”, even when the person knows it is a scam.  This is because we are made to feel so special, and this is addictive.  There is also the belief that ‘now I know it’s a scam, I cannot be duped and won’t send any money, and perhaps it I can still have the relationship’.  This is a dangerous position because of the skill of the fraudsters to emotionally manipulate and create circumstances to embroil others to take care of their extreme and increasingly threatening needs financially.  It is best to cut off all contact.

This is the advice on may scam sites, and mine.